life, a cruel lie

life , to me , is a cruel lie
you get one life and half of it is ruined
imagine a butterfly battered around in the wind
wings bruised, unable to take control
one cannot fly in the correct climate
one cannot choose a direction
pushed around, oh little me
by the harsh winds, we call life
fragility inconsidered, a beauty broken
by the harsh winds we call life
neglected, hurt , lost and wandering alone
walking alone, my direction was lost
there was no ladder, no set pavement
safe path was horribly hidden from me
wandering , lost and alone
lost and aimlessly floating
bad happened and then bad happened again
and again
i honestly felt like a butterfly forced to live a lie
a delicate butterfly, nothing was safe
i was in the wrong place
my life went from bad to worse
my wings took the blunt of it all
essence, inner spirit shattered , knocked
such a gentle nature to my core
and yet my environment lacked kindness
hurt, neglected, abused
years down the line and i deal with dissociation
because of the repeated trauma's
they took their toll
they had their impact
i honestly felt like i was cursed
cursed to be traumatised
cursed to live the wrong life
so much bad luck , so much of the time
so much hurt , so much of the time
trauma has ruined too many years
but life doesn't care
if i could call life a name i would
but how would that help
calling names doesn't take away pain from my past
calling names doesn't change the past
a traumatised girl living a traumatised lie
repeatedly, it's too much for one person
and it certainly has been , is too much for me
my mind needs a non traumatised mind
my life needs a complete change
so tired of it all
my mind is tired from feeling all that i feel