seclude

i suffocate so easily these days
it is no longer a challenge to
fight it

i am defeated, beat, crushed, trashed, fucked.

it seems like every thing i say is never heard and i am desperately trying to
get people to understand the aches in my heart in my body that i can't seem
to figure out

but so far everyone failed me

like i failed myself

i want to be able to smile without feeling like it will hit back with a tear
at the end of the day but somehow my instincts towards bad things are always
right and i end up screaming at myself every single fucking night i am
clawing out but so far

nothing breaks except for me

i repeat over and over things that i am sure of but somehow the uncertain
responses make me so frustrated i am unsure anymore of the one thing i
thought i could believe in

there, i don't even know what the fuck i was talking about

it is like a million 365 worries a day a year crushed in my head and someone
turned on a switch that dropped the weight onto my heart without any
resistance without any reason for me to cling on to when i burst into tears
and cannot give explanations for them

and so far it just gets worse