deepundergroundpoetry.com
warp speed
the bend of time, predictions reached
they watch but never interfere
so every thing seems as it should
did evil come from too much good
they muse as humanity breeds
fights its wars kills with ease
the pawns are moved with subtly
the end game we will never see
forces that we know are there
the warp speed of the cosmos dark
the light years that reverse so fast
and met ourselves on our way back
they watch but never interfere
so every thing seems as it should
did evil come from too much good
they muse as humanity breeds
fights its wars kills with ease
the pawns are moved with subtly
the end game we will never see
forces that we know are there
the warp speed of the cosmos dark
the light years that reverse so fast
and met ourselves on our way back
Published 26th Mar 2018
| Edited 27th Mar 2018
Author's Note
Sci fi competition entry
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
I saw this in the twilight zone competition and I really liked it! ...so I wanted to pop in here and tell you so. I'm glad you posted it.
You said you encourage honest critique, so I will say that I felt like the last few lines weren't as strong as the first two stanzas, although I liked what you were saying, it just didn't have the same flow. I think part of that was because "and met ourselves on our way back" is sort of hanging there, the "and" doesn't really make sense to me and I wonder if you meant to say "that we" instead of "and"?
....I don't know if it was intentional or not, but that 'meeting ourselves on the way back' part has a really interesting double meaning. (I took it to suggest that history is repeating itself.)
Also, just a typo correction on the second stanza....I think you meant to say "subtlety" instead of "subtly."
Great work! I really liked this. Your warp speed has some deep meaning here, and I think that your poem is one of those poems that could mean different things to different people, which gives it that certain breadth of relevance that makes poetry so wonderful.
You said you encourage honest critique, so I will say that I felt like the last few lines weren't as strong as the first two stanzas, although I liked what you were saying, it just didn't have the same flow. I think part of that was because "and met ourselves on our way back" is sort of hanging there, the "and" doesn't really make sense to me and I wonder if you meant to say "that we" instead of "and"?
....I don't know if it was intentional or not, but that 'meeting ourselves on the way back' part has a really interesting double meaning. (I took it to suggest that history is repeating itself.)
Also, just a typo correction on the second stanza....I think you meant to say "subtlety" instead of "subtly."
Great work! I really liked this. Your warp speed has some deep meaning here, and I think that your poem is one of those poems that could mean different things to different people, which gives it that certain breadth of relevance that makes poetry so wonderful.
28th Mar 2018 9:56am
yes thanks for the feedback I write very fast the inspiration comes and just flows on the page .warp speed I think its about a higher power something undiscovered looming
I like the challenge of the competitions to change topics and styles
I like the challenge of the competitions to change topics and styles
