coated with crystals

03.12.2018
-B

I. shes coated with crystals,
and she bears a rosy blush.
she doesnt show any emotions,
her mind constantly in a rush.
shes floating high, worry free,
shes been up for days, but her world is moving so fast that she barely has time to feel.


II. shes coated with crystals,
and her hands havent stopped shaking.
shes convinced herself that her happiness can be found in these lines,
even though her body is constantly aching.
her eyelids are heavy,
and her body begs for sleep.
her mind is filled with paranoia
and she misses when she was clean,
because at least then, rest was within her reach.



III. shes coated with crystals,
to soothe her racing mind.
she hasnt eaten in days,
and convinces everyone that shes fine.
the number on the scale drops,
her waist starts to shrink.
her bones are starting to show,
but she doesnt care what anyone thinks.
she says this is what she wants,
to float like air,
to look fragile and weightless.
but as their eyes fill with worry
and she gets smaller,
she wonders why she still feels worthless.


IV. shes coated with crystals,
her nose is always burning,
her eyes are always red.
and when she falls from cloud nine,
she wants nothing else but to be dead.


V. shes coated with crystals,
and she doesnt like it anymore,
but getting fucked up is the only way to avoid all the pain she was feeling before.
she lays in bed for hours,
drifting in and out of sleep.
but no matter how much rest she gets,
she always wakes up feeling weak.


VI. shes coated with crystals,
the bags under her eyes are nearly black.
shes given in to letting the ice take over,
shes accepted theres no turning back.
she covers her face in makeup to try and make herself look alive.
but at night, when her mask falls off,
her makeup removed and her smile put aside-
she feels her ribs, and her hips,
her heart flutters, beating fast, and then slow.
she swallows the fear that rises in her chest,
knowing that her addiction is starting to show.
shes a literal walking zombie,
but somehow, as she turns to skin and bone,
nobody seems to know.



VII. shes coated with crystals,
and shes never felt this low.
it only hurts this much when shes coming down and all alone.
suicide, drugs, and relapse
constantly dance through her mind.
and she just wants to be held until
shes sure that her thoughts will be kind.


VIII. shes coated with crystals,
and her cravings are hounding her brain.
her dreams are filled with the white lines,
and chemical clouds that ease her pain.
she wishes there was a way to quiet her mind,
because her thoughts are waves that wont stop washing over her
until she drowns;
and what she hates most of all is that it was always supposed to be ‘just a little harmless fun,’ but she lost all control and ended up hollow, addicted, and burned out.