My First Me

Has anybody ever asked you who you are?
It sounds so simple; you open your mouth to speak
You can’t find the answer; you’re not just a name
How do you answer?
It takes a lifetime for me
My me has changed throughout the years

I was born into hell
Just like everyone else
Cursed by the fruit of the tree
I didn’t lay stagnant like so many others
My parents were loving for me and my brothers
They taught us to follow the path

Over the hills and over the mountains
Out of the forest, we came to a river
They pulled us through it
A joyous occasion!
The curse was lifted
The journey began

Blessed to be nurtured and loved
I stayed on the path, tempted from time to time
I met many others as the learning began
I noticed some over there
What were they doing? The path is safe
Why were they on that road?

As time passed, I learned I was different
I was always in my head
My emotions were bottomless
I felt them in my soul
Men shouldn’t feel this way
Ashamed!  I suppressed and hid them away

As I got older I learned of that road; it led you straight to hell
I knew it was wrong; it seemed so exciting
I asked for the demon; I invited him in
I wanted to learn for myself
I was barely ten years old
To the devil, my soul I had sold

I could see the path in the distance as I raced down the road
The curse had consumed me
The demon controlled me
This road was going to hell
If only I had known
That road I loved so much

A few years later I found my nectar
It came in a bottle or can
It made me feel at home
It made me feel—so numb
It made me feel—nothing at all
I drowned my emotions away

I rolled up the plants
I ate the square paper
I drowned my feelings away
My soul was wilting
My heart was hard
My brain was smoked away

When the learning was finished
I needed a change
I signed the papers
Uncle Sam took me away
He broke me to nothing
He built me back up

For the first time in my life
I knew who I was; I knew my first me
I was a Devil Dog, a soldier of Sam’s
I was stronger than I had ever been
I had an identity, and I was proud
My life as a man was about to begin

Fresh out of training I crossed the ocean
Stationed in Germany, my slab was clean
I knew nobody; I was on my own
The sweetest freedom I had ever known
The nectar called me still
My demon could not resist

This is how my story began; my first me was born
I veered from the path; I raced down the road
I was a single soldier; I was a drunk
I was a whore
I played the game
I lost, and I won; I unquestionably had some fun