living but dead

i feel like im alive but then again im dead
i dont know witch world im in
living or dead
i hate to live
i wish to die
but i dont want to let them win by pushing me over the edge
i dont want them to win ever again
they won when i began cutting
they won when i tryed running away
they wont win when i die for real
they would never care
they probaly would sing shes gone heaven and earth shes gone were free
would they even care
i doubt not i doubt they ever cared for me
i doubt they cared when my blood flowed
when i cryed to the point i became sick
did they care when i drank when i got high
i doubt they did
they never tryed to stop me
they never said i was messing up my life
they never said doing this would pute me into a spiral
am i alive or am i dead
am i a ghost or am i actauly a person
i dont if im
living or if im dead