the private chapters

     
drown me in your tears
you cried them in the early morning
just before the dawn's first blush
  
let my hope be smothered in realism
as your desires override your loyalty
& you realize you've denied yourself
  
starved for affection
each of us reach for the porn
when we want to feel the heat
sneaking it not because  
either one disapproves
simply the need to just get off supersedes    
  
intimate moments still exist
though they get cancelled out
by the war zone we live in
you at one end your son at the other
with neither bending
  
it's enough to kill any hopes
of us staying as one
i know you're unhappy
you say if we weren't here  
you would be happy
  
i'm unsure if i alone
could give you all you long for
  
you are a gambling man
what if  
with just one roll of fate's dice
you could really have all you dreamed of?
  
would the guilt of leaving me
stain kisses so sweet
on your true loves lips?
  
or would you be able to reason
i was slipping away  
too wild really
to ever live in the day to day
of being a wife, a real wife