Happy Birthday

I was lined in dirt
and the sun was a lesson on my face
harsh reality
there is no comfort in birth
no comfort in my own rage

my worth meant nothing
spring equinox came and went
my day of life departed with it

dirt hid under my nails
I placed them behind my back
for pretty was what i had to paint
if only they knew pretty to me

was the color black

the sun taught his lessons on my skin
merciless, he scorched out belief
the tatters of what i had left of me
flowers blossomed
sprung from soil around bare feet
life in beauty
perfect

It was then i knew the flaw
throat raw, agony-

I was burned

If I were the Fountain of Youth
then I have become poisoned
once innocent
waters a haven from truth
now in ruin

the sun had left his lessons
they were now scars
under desecrated skin

I saw darkness hiding
only where light shined brightest
I then new the worst of maggots
were the ones draped in white robes

open eyes see past lies
the blind merely follow
I no longer follow-

I stalk my prey

it only took ten equinoxes
for me to live
and it only took the passing of one
for me to die

Not arbiter nor martyr
Defeatist?
No...

wounds heal though crookedly so
yet they heal nonetheless..
bliss and charm now facade
I see past empty words
razor smiles
enticing garden paths
and pondering all the while-

No...

Not justice nor sacrifice
never the crushing weight
the shackles of defeat
for I can see
nothing

meaning has none
it was a construct
Imagination
which is lost on the bleak
the ones who can see
the ones who know

I know now
there is only nothing..
three syllables-

Nihilist.