The Conundrum

My soul was in denial  
Whilst my cerebral painted a vivid picture of it all  
Thats when I knew all that glitters ain't  gold  
"I was played" I uttered in a faint lifeless whisper
 
She had taken my love and care as a fun fair  
Like deja vu  
I quickly arrived at the same rendezvous point with my past  
What made me such a worthy character of this particular scene  
 
Was it that I was not a player ??  
Shaking in disappointment and filled with rage  
It all seemed like a mere mirage  
But the deep cold hole in my heart  
Was all too real to know that it was an old fashioned heart break  
 
I had promised myself I would defy the Laws of gravity  
But here i was knocked out  on the floor by its heavy blow    
So much for wanting to defy gravity  
I ended up with a cavity in my soul  
 
I had always tried to segregate my aggregate thoughts into do's and dont's  
But I always ended picking up the latter  
Could it ever get any better?  
   
This world was too cruel for people like me  
Filled with lust and disgust  
Love was all in the past  
It felt like a damn Holocaust  
Where you were always emotionally persecuted for getting attached  
 
I had to leave this mess of a world  
Suddenly I glanced at the butcher knife on the counter  
Was this my escape out of this misery  
 My heart skipped a beat  
This thought had never crossed my mind  
 
Was I ready to leave this earth ??  
What was there on the other side ??  
Would God judge me for this or let this slide??  
All these questions gave me a fright and they was no answer in sight.