5 years

5 years of hiding from what I’ve seen, and now I leave the shadows. 5 years of finding the life of the party, but that was 5 years wasted because she had always been in the room. 5 years of uncertainty and self destruction, and we were dying together. 5 years gone by, and still side by side. That’s 5 years without going hand in hand; her’s not in mine... Today, I’m glad that those 5 years passed, I’m glad I spent them awkwardly sitting in the corner of a room, listening, laughing, acting like I never had an interest besides just being a friend because I would have never learned to love someone beyond the flaws of their nature. I would have never been able to say that I loved sharing as many heart aches or headaches, checks, food, bottles, cigarettes, Ecstasy... I would have never learned who she was if I didn’t spend 5 years hiding behind the shadows of myself to see the beauty as she danced in the storm... I do still contain a bit of fear, but I truly believe that love lives here. 5 years gone by, finally, I kissed her. Though she was never far, that’s now 5 years that I know that I missed her. I didn’t want to feel, I fought it and fought it for 5 years, just to realize that she’s the best I’ve ever been around. She cared, despite my flaws, my anger, my depressive thoughts, my addictions... she continued to believe for 5 years that I was better than the choices I made, yet I fought to not let her claim me as her man because I was not yet forged into one. Here I am, after 5 years of making her wait. Here I am, telling her that I love her, unashamed, despite her flaws, despite our sinful ways. After 5 years of running, I give her my all, and I am still afraid.