deepundergroundpoetry.com
Idea's Shelter
Without a tongue to mother us
We have no shelter in mind or mouth
For ideas to make our fuss
We'd be the least of beasts from north to south
Without our mother tongue to express how we feel separate
How could we explain how we are altogether desperate?
Or give our eloquent praise to what inspires
Or project our hope to what transpires
But from the rising sun
To the setting west
Human language fun
Makes us noblest and best
Rudimentary communication
Is part of each animal nation
Yet we human creatures
Construct the abstract
And most wonderful features
That animals of earth cannot imagine
The ideas our mother tongue shelters intact
We have no shelter in mind or mouth
For ideas to make our fuss
We'd be the least of beasts from north to south
Without our mother tongue to express how we feel separate
How could we explain how we are altogether desperate?
Or give our eloquent praise to what inspires
Or project our hope to what transpires
But from the rising sun
To the setting west
Human language fun
Makes us noblest and best
Rudimentary communication
Is part of each animal nation
Yet we human creatures
Construct the abstract
And most wonderful features
That animals of earth cannot imagine
The ideas our mother tongue shelters intact
Published 7th Jan 2018
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likes 2
reading list entries 1
comments 5
reads 666
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
8th Jan 2018 00:42am
Great poem portraying the key difference between us and other animals: language.
Well done!
Well done!
8th Jan 2018 00:45am
Anonymous
8th Jan 2018 10:27am
you have much potential. the poem is dead. however don't be discouraged almost all my poems are dead as well. the most difficult idea for me is to leave the poem the way it is. many years after writting a poem that poem suddenly looks holy crap good. the reason i am being so forward is you asked for an honest critique and i feel there is another four or seventeen lines that could bolster a fresh idea. yes i like the poem yet felt just a tiny tiny bit more could have conveyed your precise meaning. hey i'm no pro.. so chuck me if you have to😑
8th Jan 2018 11:59pm
Thanks for your critique! It's not easy thing to do. This one might come down to personal preference. However I could be missing something that you see.
I believe that poems are most often best served dishing one main idea, like a well constructed paragraph.
I too, find not only my poems hit me differently with time, so do other authors' poems. Curious. Probably because of the way life shapes our reading with the passage of time.
One's audience must connect with the context of the poem to read or hear the full meaning. Era, culture, dialect, education, all influence the digestibility of the work for the individual.
I believe that poems are most often best served dishing one main idea, like a well constructed paragraph.
I too, find not only my poems hit me differently with time, so do other authors' poems. Curious. Probably because of the way life shapes our reading with the passage of time.
One's audience must connect with the context of the poem to read or hear the full meaning. Era, culture, dialect, education, all influence the digestibility of the work for the individual.
Anonymous
10th Jan 2018 8:03am
a vein into a vein & maybe into CAPILLARIES... who knows & who cares at this size! i re-read your poem and still hold true to my animal instincts... yet something twitched.. so.. yeah.. i'd leave the poem the way it is. (sniff)
