deepundergroundpoetry.com
Mr. Loneliness
Got up early this morning
to greet Mr. Loneliness
A better friend I've never had
He helps hide my emptiness
He never laughs and he often cries
A somber old soul is he
But please, Mr. Loneliness
Don't ever leave me
His life was cold and lonely
Though he gave each day an honest try
But Mr. Loneliness was made to be broken
Mr. Loneliness was made to cry
If only they could have known him
He really had a very big heart
If only he could have talked to them
But he just never knew how to start
I could see him growing weaker
Through the torment of each passing day
They took all the colors from his life
And left him in a world of gray
And the hatred built within him
Towards the world he learned to dread
Then one night Mr. Loneliness
Put a revolver next to his head
Well a shot rang out and the echo was heard
By millions who didn't care
Mr. Loneliness was no one special
Mr. Loneliness had only been there
The truth was made to be spoken
But the words were made to lie
Mr. Loneliness was made to be broken
Mr. Loneliness was made to die
His funeral, it was a small one
Oh, how I wish I could have been there
But I was with Mr. Loneliness
In the coffin that we both shared
Yes, my life was cold and lonely
Though I gave each day an honest try
But I was made to be broken
And I was made to die
to greet Mr. Loneliness
A better friend I've never had
He helps hide my emptiness
He never laughs and he often cries
A somber old soul is he
But please, Mr. Loneliness
Don't ever leave me
His life was cold and lonely
Though he gave each day an honest try
But Mr. Loneliness was made to be broken
Mr. Loneliness was made to cry
If only they could have known him
He really had a very big heart
If only he could have talked to them
But he just never knew how to start
I could see him growing weaker
Through the torment of each passing day
They took all the colors from his life
And left him in a world of gray
And the hatred built within him
Towards the world he learned to dread
Then one night Mr. Loneliness
Put a revolver next to his head
Well a shot rang out and the echo was heard
By millions who didn't care
Mr. Loneliness was no one special
Mr. Loneliness had only been there
The truth was made to be spoken
But the words were made to lie
Mr. Loneliness was made to be broken
Mr. Loneliness was made to die
His funeral, it was a small one
Oh, how I wish I could have been there
But I was with Mr. Loneliness
In the coffin that we both shared
Yes, my life was cold and lonely
Though I gave each day an honest try
But I was made to be broken
And I was made to die
Published 27th Dec 2017
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8th Mar 2018 4:40pm
Wow.... I can feel the dreariness in your words. Excellent expression.
The "Mr. Loneliness was..." lines really add to his character. The repetition makes him seem more alone, like there's no one to talk to but himself. It paints his life as dull and monotone.
I especially like the 8th stanza... Seems kind of like your own reflection on the story, I suppose, and I like the rhyme. Then the twist in stanza 9... Leading smoothly into the conclusion. I love how you used the 3rd stanza at the end, but replaced "Mr. Loneliness" with "I". It makes it more personal and thought provoking.
Sorry the comment is so long.. But nice work :) keep it up
~Rosegold
The "Mr. Loneliness was..." lines really add to his character. The repetition makes him seem more alone, like there's no one to talk to but himself. It paints his life as dull and monotone.
I especially like the 8th stanza... Seems kind of like your own reflection on the story, I suppose, and I like the rhyme. Then the twist in stanza 9... Leading smoothly into the conclusion. I love how you used the 3rd stanza at the end, but replaced "Mr. Loneliness" with "I". It makes it more personal and thought provoking.
Sorry the comment is so long.. But nice work :) keep it up
~Rosegold
8th Mar 2018 8:20pm
Thank you very much for the comment.
If I can use a twist in writing, I love to do it. Yes, the poem is supposed to be as though the narrator is referring to a different person. Then, the last six lines lets the reader know that there was no one else.
I have another poem that you may like - I really enjoy it. It's called "The Voices". I think that it is a certainly dark, but good story. I really like the last verse. There is not so much of a twist, but it tells a lot in 4 lines and really brings everything in the poem together.
Thank you again. I will read through your submissions, and am looking forward to doing so.
If I can use a twist in writing, I love to do it. Yes, the poem is supposed to be as though the narrator is referring to a different person. Then, the last six lines lets the reader know that there was no one else.
I have another poem that you may like - I really enjoy it. It's called "The Voices". I think that it is a certainly dark, but good story. I really like the last verse. There is not so much of a twist, but it tells a lot in 4 lines and really brings everything in the poem together.
Thank you again. I will read through your submissions, and am looking forward to doing so.
