The Journey

The Journey

The journey has been excruciating long.
I think surviving this long has been worth it, but I may be wrong.
My bones ache and my mind, body and soul are tired,
but after ten long years at least I haven’t expired.
I should have expired, o I should have!
Surviving this long is nothing short of a miracle.
I should give myself some credit.
Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t, it’s difficult to do since the darkness may have become embedded.

I have descended into Hell, it’s very bottom pits and walked through its fires.
I climbed my way out only to find myself feeling like an alien from mars.
I survived my time in Hell but was left a damaged man.
I was convinced I was left with a significantly shortened life span.
I was left scared, broken and feeling like an outcast in a society that didn’t understand.
I was a black sheep struggling to survive in a judgmental land.
I picked up a pen and wrote some fucked up shit to help soothe the pain.
I’m far from done creating art using my words, I’m just beginning my reign.
It’s a combination of myself and my friend the demon.
This is my therapy, my best form of treatment.
Heavy metal helps as well; I credit it for saving my pathetic life.
Without it I would have given into the darkness and became a victim of the knife.
We can’t have that, now can we?
I still have to capture my crown and set my spirit free!

Here I am now ten long years later overlooking the sky from the top of a mountain.
The sun is beginning to rise and I long for its light but the darkness behind me has me doubting
Will l ever be able to achieve inner peace and solitude?
I need the light though, it’s long overdue.

The sun rises as I begin to walk into its ray to bask in its glory.
A hand grabs my shoulder and whispers in my ear that moving forward is not mandatory.
I turn around and face my demon that urging me to come back towards the night.
His presence inside me that past ten years hasn’t felt right.
The skies above him are dark with thunder and lightning being shown off.
This is not where I belong so I go to turn back around.

The demon grabs me again and tells me I won’t ever be able to escape from him.
He promises me I will go down being remembered for my pseudonym
Ace, the weird, quiet faggot who put a bullet in his brain and had no one show up for his funeral
because he wasn’t quite right since he wasn’t born of flesh but rather crawled out of Satan’s uterus.
“I was born in you, raised in you, own you now!
Losing you is something I simply won’t allow.”

I place my hand on the demon’s chest and push him back.
Enough of him I’m tired of his attacks.
I give him the finger and tell him I’m taking my life back and he’s no longer welcomed in it.
I wave goodbye and tell him he’s the one that’s unfit.

I turn back around and begin walking towards the light finally feeling free.
Behind me the demon mumbles a decree.
Another hand grabs me and spins me back around.
I assume it’s the demon again not wanting to let go, I’m so done with this clown.
It’s not, it’s a woman in a red silk dress
with a serpent wrapped around her shoulders,
a fire burning in her eyes,
an evil presence that only has one explanation,
Lucifer.

She hands me a gun and tells me its ok to use,
it’s ok to end my pain and sorrow.
She places the gun in my hand and tells me it’s time for me to join her.
She has big plans for us rest assured.
I look at the gun feeling its temptation urging me to place it in my mouth.
She tells me to pull the trigger and head on south.
“I’m here for you for son, it’s time to come home
and away from this world made of Styrofoam.”

I look at the gun then hand it back.
Lucifer gives me a look that says she’s about to attack
but I’m not worried, I have the light and my guardian angel at my back.
It’s time to go to my real home, the one away from the black.

I turn around to find my guardian angel smiling at me.
He’s dressed in his Michigan hat and jacket as I expect him to be.
I smile and give him a hug struggling to hold back the tears.
He hugs me and whispers in my ear
“have no fear I am here for you and everything will work out in your favor.”
I look him in the eye grateful to have him as my lifesaver.