deepundergroundpoetry.com
A Poem for My Lovers
Twisted flesh we shared so sweet
Lovers tongues that licked so deep
Two pair of lips that felt so hot
To ever want it to stop? I shall not
Passionate touches pure bliss again and again
You made me feel some sort of sexual Zen
A fluid filled realm is what our whole desired
Because our bodies were ablaze with white hot fire
Locked between your two fine bodies
I know we three can be oh so naughty
So untill we redezvous for another sultry night
I will be antisapating with all my might
What we shared can not be given by another
Damn you two are fantastic Lovers.
Lovers tongues that licked so deep
Two pair of lips that felt so hot
To ever want it to stop? I shall not
Passionate touches pure bliss again and again
You made me feel some sort of sexual Zen
A fluid filled realm is what our whole desired
Because our bodies were ablaze with white hot fire
Locked between your two fine bodies
I know we three can be oh so naughty
So untill we redezvous for another sultry night
I will be antisapating with all my might
What we shared can not be given by another
Damn you two are fantastic Lovers.
Published 23rd Sep 2011
| Edited 30th Sep 2011
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
23rd Sep 2011 10:23pm
Newbie,
if you're gonna go on and on boasting like that, I'm afraid we're gonna need more details than this...LOL!!!
I thought your night/might lines were a little weak. But then, after being locked between those "two fine bodies", a little weakness is only to be expected, right ; )
Good start though.
tornado
if you're gonna go on and on boasting like that, I'm afraid we're gonna need more details than this...LOL!!!
I thought your night/might lines were a little weak. But then, after being locked between those "two fine bodies", a little weakness is only to be expected, right ; )
Good start though.
tornado
23rd Sep 2011 11:02pm
Thank you for the input. When we meet again I will be sure to grab a pen and paper as soon as I can and maybe the details will be a bit more freash in my mind. Thats if I have the energy left. 3hrs of pure bliss takes alot out of a person.
It was written for the two that where there expereancing it so detail would have been there in their minds already. I was just refreashing it. :)
It was written for the two that where there expereancing it so detail would have been there in their minds already. I was just refreashing it. :)
24th Sep 2011 4:08pm
Anonymous
25th Sep 2011 7:38pm
This is cool!
Anonymous
- Edited 26th Sep 2011 3:32pm
26th Sep 2011 3:31pm
That you have put the story wonderfully, its punchy yet keeps the mystic aroma of the experience. In terms of honest critique, for me the rhyming of the first two stanzas takes away from the whole piece (I like rhyme) but in this case you have the first two stanzas doing one thing and the rest doing another. It seems to take away from the entire experience. (It is only my opinion)
I did enjoy it though and will definately come back for more.
Welcome!
I did enjoy it though and will definately come back for more.
Welcome!
15th Oct 2011 4:42pm
i neva had a 3sum but dis is similar 2 how i wud want it....wel wit a lotta deep penentration toe lickn chin riden double doggystyle action....wel u get da point....lol
