A Brat's Creed (*fine print version)

A Brat’s Creed (fine print version)  
 
 
I will not be a brat,  
*on select holidays, according to the Mayan calendar.*  
 
I promise to be sweet as pie,  
*unless you piss me off*.
 
I promise not to use your paddle as a fly swatter,  
*but all bets are off in the event of a spider.*
 
I promise not to use your whip as a cat toy,  
*unless the cat does that blinky-eye routine, which you can’t resist either, by the way.*  
 
I will always come to you when you call,  
*even if it involves a circuitous route around the sofa, the coffee table, the formal dining room, the basement….*
 
I promise to obey without question,  
*unless, of course, I have a question, then I’m asking it and you can’t stop me.*
 
I promise to communicate,  
*more often through sign language, foot stomps, boisterous sighs and some growling.*
 
 
I promise to serve you,  
*so long as you don’t make those ridiculous demands, then I’m going to have questions and I might even resort to communicating.*
 
I will listen to you,  
*probably after you’ve stuck me in time out and I have nothing but time to think about it.*  

 
I will engage in hand-to-hand combat with your demons,  
*they will cower in fear of a full on brat attack.*
 
 
I will go toe-to-toe with anyone who tries to tear you down or shame you,  
*because you belong to me as much as I belong to you.*
 
I will protect your heart more fiercely than my own,  
*because, believe it or not, your desires outrank mine.*
 
I will cuddle you,  
*after all, you are my security blanket and my safe place.*
 
I will love you,  
*in that wild and nutty way that only my bratty self can – fiercely and completely.*  
 
I will need you,  
*even if I can’t spit out the words quite right, only you can make it all better.*
 
I promise to be loyal to you always,  
*because who else would tolerate my shenanigans.*  
 
I do so solemnly swear.