deepundergroundpoetry.com
An Eve Of Last Lights
Friable delights
innervate wings
of mossy wights
sprites in this
transiting
exiting
transmission
of floodlight
They draw breath
binding viable vows
like twine 'round the day
to vaporize
in the veil
of morrow's death - dawning night
An Eve Of Last Lights
****
I'm unsure of what this is. I have a vague feeling of an eery relish for the last burst of light before all is darkest. Something about the solstice... I was grasping for fitting imagery to even begin expressing and half-formed emotion. Please, critique is welcome! I'm not clear on what bugs me about this, but it's definitely something.
innervate wings
of mossy wights
sprites in this
transiting
exiting
transmission
of floodlight
They draw breath
binding viable vows
like twine 'round the day
to vaporize
in the veil
of morrow's death - dawning night
An Eve Of Last Lights
****
I'm unsure of what this is. I have a vague feeling of an eery relish for the last burst of light before all is darkest. Something about the solstice... I was grasping for fitting imagery to even begin expressing and half-formed emotion. Please, critique is welcome! I'm not clear on what bugs me about this, but it's definitely something.
Published 20th Dec 2017
| Edited 21st Dec 2017
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 7
reading list entries 0
comments 12
reads 504
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
20th Dec 2017 11:39pm
21st Dec 2017 00:02am
21st Dec 2017 00:15am
I think it's the feeling of anticipation--something coming and going at the same time, change. I liked it, especially the title!
21st Dec 2017 00:19am
Yes, definitely! It's always a relief to me when the solstice comes and goes, and things get marginally lighter. Even if it's a slow progression, it's encouraging. Thank you 😊
21st Dec 2017 00:51am
Interesting imagery! I was thinking this was about New Year's Eve/day. The solstice wasn't obvious but that's part of poetry. You don't have to paint a clear photograph, just allow the reader to assemble the pixels where they may... Well done!
JJ
JJ
21st Dec 2017 2:29am
Oh cool! I like that too :) Yup, it's interesting to see how people will interpret it.
21st Dec 2017 3:39am
Woooo.........runnin out of "superlatives" for your 'work'.........of course, I wish I could "meet you" "in Person" (as apparently all the rest of the 'boys' around here do.........bless you
21st Dec 2017 3:42am
21st Dec 2017 4:14am
21st Dec 2017 5:34pm
This proves how words transmit themselves through us (or you at least). No choice left but to express how the Universe thinks and this is one beautiful example of how it all comes together. Of course, this is just my opinion but I've believed in this mechanism for years. A very nice flow that has a calming effect, AtoMikbomb.
21st Dec 2017 10:35pm
Nope! You're not alone in that. I believe so too. However, there are many times that I personally (I can't speak for others of course) try very hard to find the right words, and am by no means carried along. Different modes, I don't prefer the work honestly, I like when I feel effortlessly compelled. But puzzling over something and completing it anyway can be satisfying in a different way.
I have something I'm still working on that has been an absolute pain in the ASS to crank out. Compared to this piece, it's black against glowing white. Do you have similar experiences?
I have something I'm still working on that has been an absolute pain in the ASS to crank out. Compared to this piece, it's black against glowing white. Do you have similar experiences?
21st Dec 2017 11:34pm
Yes, fer sure. But I'm usually too lazy to pursue it further. If it doesn't come to me then I won't go to it. Perhaps this is out of fear. Anyway, I can't wait to see what you come up with.
