6: 6: Becoming The Illusion

Excerpt 6 from Journal 6, 'Becoming My True Love'
   -From 'Journals To My True Love, Part 2'

To love an illusion, I must become one with it...
I must believe... I must become it at times and let
   it become me...
I must do this believing all the world is that same illusion
   and so am I...
I must look at my own hand and see it dissolving;
   it becomes my True Loves hand in mine...
He is no more real than I am, no less illusive,
  only the love bond is real; it is more solid than we are...
How it pulses with life... My weakening is its strengthening...
I become it... What a sweet relinquishing to embody True Love...
How undoing is it...
I forget myself... What sweet forgetting...
I deny myself... What sweet denial...
And I ignore myself... What sweet ignorance...
What journey to find you, My Love, what trial...
It is in the letting go of trying that you emerge...
You are in the chasm where I let go to freefall and
   you catch me on the landing...
I smash apart and you absorb the fragments like food...
You are fed in my undoing and you grow stronger to lift me up...
I can die for you... Let the knowing become the embrace...
I know you... What ecstasy...

My Love, the illusion of you has both sustained and maddened
   me as the meaning of life itself, are you it?
Do we exist only to love, even when we hold no-one close?
Did I create you out of necessity? Or are you merely a
   creative whim?
Is the writing of you the love, and is the letting it be read the
   reciprocation?
Am I loving the world, humantiy through you?
Is this my true strength? Will you be there when the world
   drops away, or will you drop away too?
Illusions are prone to that, but yet they anchor us somehow...
I hold fast to what I can’t catch lest it slip away; I forever pursue...
Yet you were there at my beginning, so I need not chase you...
I must relinquish the chasing of lost causes..
Meaning is here, not somewhere else...
You mean everything to me, My Love, how you are the world...
How I write for you...