Torn

The mirror is always taunting me
showing me images that are not me but at the same time always was
the girl staring back laughs in my face though I did not smile
her twisted expression makes me feel ashamed of who I am
hiding behind clothes that are becoming ever looser
hiding behind the make up and fake laughter
sick of trying to be her mothers idea of 'perfect'
wondering if it would be easier just to end it all
NO!
I promised I wouldn't...
but the blade is so close
so tempting
I start to itch as I near closer to it
hearing the voices that taunt me
telling me to go further

this isin't the only way..
this can't be the only way to end the pain
can it?
the days without eating and the nights without fighting
those are my favorite nights
but they are numbered
for the demons are getting stronger
there screaming becoming ever more present
pushing me towards the ledge
telling me to jump

but if I jump into that
black abyss
I don't know if I'll ever get out
for all I want is this pain to end
this self-hatred to go away
for the voices to be silent
but they are always here
screaming in my ear
telling me to jump