Closed Doors

Closed door.
It’s late, it’s time to sleep,
The door opened,
And inside he creeps.
He locks the door,
And I’m confused,
I didn’t think for a second
I would be abused.
Abused by a grown man.
Like a fisherman,
He lured me in.
I was an easy catch.
So young and so scared,
I was unaware.
Unaware that I could scream.
But would it have mattered if I did?
I was upstairs,
And they were down below,
They were partying,
They didn’t know.
Know that my innocence was being taken.
Closed door.
Ah, he tricked you.
How could you be so dumb?
He’s got you now,
You slowly turn numb.
It’s happening again,
This time, by a friend.
“Yeah, you like that?
I bet you do!
Everyone’s gunna know what
A slut you are when I am
Done with you.”
He wasn’t lying,
he wasn’t done.
“Do as I say or eat bullets...
Choose one!”
So, I did as he said.
He demanded I hold his hand.
So, I held onto his sweaty palms,
And he arrogantly paraded on.
He showed me off as if I were a prize,
They called me a slut but didn’t realize.
That I just had yet another piece of me taken,
They were convinced I asked for it,
They were mistaken.
Closed door.
My friend promised me
that she wouldn’t leave,
Apparently that was a promise
She couldn’t keep.
I couldn’t take care of myself,
I was a bottle deep.
I thought I could trust them,
But they proved me wrong.
The two of them hovered over me,
“I’ve been waiting for this for so long.”
So, they took their turns on me,
Like I was a  board game.
I was motionless, lifeless,
Yet the tears came.
Closed door.
Aren’t closed doors suppose to protect us?
Suppose to keep the evil out?
Well, they didn’t.
Instead, they locked them in.
They let them have their way with me.
Their cold, rough hands,
Turning my body into ice.
Frozen.
Frozen with fear.
Vulnerable and naked,
Yet clothed with betrayal.
Closed door.
It’s not real,
It’s over.
Please heal,
Get over.
Get over it,
Or just admit,
That you wanna quit.
You want it to stop.
They say you’re lookin like
You’re feeling better,
But you know you’re not.
You’re miserable,
You wanna die.
But they can’t seem to fathom why.
“You’re so beautiful and you’re so  strong”
If I’m so strong, then how has this been holding me captive for so damn long?!
I’m a prisoner to my misery.
It’s been 8 years!
I’ve tried everything.
Pills, poison, and therapy.
That’s not how childhood oughta be.
Those closed doors didn’t do me no good,
You tell me, “don’t stop trying,”
I wish I could.
I wish I could persevere, keep goin’,
But I’m tired.
I’m so sorry,
I just cant do it.
I hate to be the one
responsible for my own demise...
Closed eyes.