Father that Was Never There

Hello? Are you there?
Where did you go?
Why can't I see you? Why can't I feel you?
I miss you even though I never knew you

I hear rumors
I tell stories
Who knows if any of it is true

I have an image of you deep in my brain
Is that not real too?

I think about you often
I wonder what happened to you
Did you ever try to find me?

I told them I wouldn't want to meet you if I had the chance
too much pain, too much emotion
I could never handle the rejection
You couldn't handle your own pain

I am mad at you
I miss you
Did you even know my name?
I know yours only from what I was told

Is it true you took another man's life?
Did it bother you when he took his last breath?

The last time I thought about you was last night
most of my thoughts of you come at night
I cannot dream of you
I have no memory to hold on to

did you want me? Did you care?
I was alone as an orphan without a home
Did you know?
If you did what would you have done?

Now you are dead
alive no more
Just skin and bones in the cold hard ground