ONE WAY ONLY CHOICE AGAIN  (1-24-09, 9:00am, Palm Springs, California)

 
   
here i am  
standing at  
the very edge  
of one way  
only  
choice again    
aware  
im spiritually  
evolved enough  
to choose    
to move  
at this point  
in my life  
more fully into  
this light  
this higher truth    
i know  
beyond its    
precarious precipice  
if i want  
though somehow  
still here now    
it seems    
as if  
some unfulfilled  
long hungering    
other  
suppressed  
inner part    
of me  
whether more  
of ego  
mind or soul    
still clings    
so stubbornly on  
to every heated  
big or little  
scarlet    
beck and calls  
seemingly    
never ending    
distractions  
persistent demands  
for still yet  
more and more  
of me  
this me  
whoever ive now  
become  
whether just another  
insatiable pound  
of overly eager  
willing flesh  
or only one    
more consequential  
superficially wasted drop  
of its deeper  
forlorn essence  
willing to be  
spilled or spent  
or even just  
a single  
addictive    
primal molecule  
perhaps  
still yearning  
in me here  
from which  
i faintly sense  
some whispering subtle  
still  quiet
voice  
within    
is still not  
quite ready enough
just yet
to more fully  
commit  
to this  
long pressing  
conscious choice  
the larger part  
of my    
free will  
feels so certain  
it needs  
and wants  
and was almost    
ready to make  
or so  
i thought  
at least until  
this sudden  
unexpected  
hesitant moment  
of brief  
uncertain doubt  
came up again    
just now  
a voice  
so vague    
so distant  
though just  
compelling enough    
to presently  
make me  
more keenly aware    
of this persistently
stubborn
inner struggle  
between my ego  
versus  
my spirits  
frustratingly  
silent quandary  
still so clearly
ongoing here
presently
in my life