no keys to wonderland today ~ day one

   
I tell myself don't chase it  
& you'll be fine  
but once you're on the hunt  
it's all over with  
   
you'll run it down    
until you get that rush  
that crystal high  
   
no keys to wonderland today  
this is day one  
to see if I can beat this monster  
   
I never saw myself doing this drug  
always kind of looked down on meth users  
being a former heroin addict    
I thought my drug superior  
but after years clean  
I got bored  
& it was in my face  
   
people getting high    
in front of me round the clock  
so I tried it  
it was wonderful  
the peace & calm it brought  
I suffer from depression & anxiety  
it was the perfect cure  
   
then the shame set in  
of letting my family down  
they would be devastated      
if they found out  
   
so I quit  
one, two, three times now  
just to forget the extreme lows  
during withdrawal  
   
so no keys to wonderland today  
I prefer reality to fantasy  
let's see if I can do it this time  
   
I will journal this trip    
for my own sanity  
& take you on a ride with me  
into the insanity of crystal meth