Mixed Signals

If I could give my heart to you I would, but it belongs to someone else 
And if I broke his heart I’d never forgive myself
I love him, but honestly I think I love you just as much      
Lying here…and I can’t help but to imagine your touch
Could it be…that I’m inconsiderate or that I don’t really know what love is?
Or maybe I do and because of that, made a conscious decision to be his
It’s mind boggling and I'm so confused
And my heart has no clue who to choose

Maybe in another lifetime or alternate reality
You and I never part ways, get married, and have a family
Love is rough, especially with all of the unforeseen issues it can bring
And when people say you can't be in love with two people at once…it don’t mean a thing
You can love them both, but each in a unique way
I wonder, if I had waited a little longer…which of you would have my heart today
And what it might have been like to marry you instead
Would it have changed my life for the better…changed the path that lay ahead

I question myself, specifically during the petty arguments…why didn’t I wait
However, I don’t regret who I chose to marry because I believe it was fate
On occasion, I wanna call you up and let you know that I can’t see my life without you
But I don’t believe it would change anything, so what good would it do?
Yeah you would know how I really feel about you, but at the expense of breaking his heart
And not only that, it would also tear my family apart
In my heart, I know you and I would never work out
Our foundation would be built on trust issues and doubt

You love me, but not enough to give me your all…not entirely
I’m the love of your life, but it would never be enough to make me a priority
Or better yet make me an official part of your life
And we both know, you wouldn’t be willing to settle down and make me your wife
See that’s the deciding factor between you two
With him, I know that no matter what…I am the only one he’ll ever choose
And you are loyal, but used to the single life…and when it comes to love I’m greedy
I’d never really have your heart and feel as if I’m constantly competing
But my love for you has been etched in stone since our youth
Hopefully, it doesn’t seem like I’m leading you on…I just need to speak my truth

I really do love you more than I could ever express
However, considering the fact that I’d never truly have your all...marrying him was best
But you are my addiction…I don’t believe I could ever quit
And I crave...being allowed to show my love for you rather than having to suppress it
It’s fucked up because at times I don’t care who notices…not even him
I’ve never lied about what I feel for you…yet he still looks at me like a precious gem
And I feel like shit…making him feel he’s sharing me with another man
I can’t console him because it’s true…and I could never understand
How he does it…sharing the woman he loves with you
And I couldn’t cut either one of you out of my life even if I wanted to

Trust that I don’t mean to play with your emotions
I just want to love you both without anyone questioning my devotion
I want you to stay by my side though we can’t be together
And be as stubborn as I am so that our bond can never be severed
So that you will always love me like this
To not judge me and to always be my friend with “benefits”
Well, not really…I want you to be happy and find your soul mate
I don’t want to let you go, but I know for us…it’s just too late
And once you find her I will no longer be the love of your life
Damn, I sound self-centered as shit, right?
Now I understand why you both say I’m selfish as fuck
Guess this is what happens when you muzzle emotions…causing desires to run amuck
I don’t know what I’m saying, you both mean so much to me
But will I truly ever let you go?...guess we’ll all have to wait and see