Stress

I went to the doctor today. Sat there for 2 hrs waiting. Just to say I need to talk to a counselor or social worker. I just thought I was sick but supposedly I'm depressed and very stressed out. 🙄this last year had been a hard year. Never thought any of this would happen. I admit I act like everything was goin to be ok. Time to get back to reality. This shit sucks. I'm stressed about everything that happens to my family or me. My new job stresses the crap out of me. Moving back here and starting over stresses me out. If anyone remembers I had no friends really back in high school I never really hung out with ppl after school. And the last year I haven't even been here and didn't keep up with anyone while I was gone. Having to deal with my dad stresses me out so much. Don't get me wrong I love me daddy with all my heart so happy to be seeing him Again. I just can't live with him all the time. I constantly feel like nothing. I just went through a horrible breakup. One weekend is all it took to fuck my whole world up. I went to my dads house to pick up my brother. Only planned on staying a day. I received a message from the person I planned on being with sayin he wanted a break. That weekend I moved in with my dad away from my mom. Had to start all over. Not to even mention a year ago I moved out to coon. No power no water. That changed my life for good. I grew super close to my family (mom and cj) I would do anything for any one of them. I worry about cj and mom all the time. Everyday when cj walks to the school bus I worry. And when he gets home he doesn't put my fear to rest he tells me kids still pick on him everyday. And mom oh god does my stress me out. I know she's a grown ass woman. But still. She's away from her babies. Her life is worse than mine right now. She is having so many issues with her truck her house. All of it. It's driving m crazy I can't be out there to help her. I call her everyday just to make sure she's okay many times she hung up with me Bc "her eyes were sweating" that breaks my heart to hear my momma cry on the phone. I just want to be there for her. But I can't. It's driving me crazy. My life is shit. I'm stressed. I'm constantly sick I can't  eat or sleep. I'm messing up at work so that's stresses me out even more. I just can't seem to get my shit together. And that stresses me out. This whole separation is killing me. The worst part is I feel like my whole world is crumbling down and I can't do anything to stop it. I'm losing my mind over here and I can't even tell my parents Bc I don't want them to worry. I'm supposed to be ok. I'm supposed to be the strong one, the one who has everything under control. I can't tell my friends Bc I really don't have any I have 3 friends I talk to. They hear it sometimes and they already worry about me. Telling them what's really on my mind will make them worry about me. And that stresses me out even if I do tell them I don't want them to feel sorry for me. It's an unending cycle. It never ends. Stress sucks.