I am not there anymore

I used to be a child, busy with all I was tasked to do
I had no time to play, I had to help
So, I never learned what to do
Outside of right, I had no choice
I had no voice, I was kept away
When it was my time to leave home
I began to see the games people play
Heartaches, deceit, selfishness and lies
I never quite understood "what for"
The first heartache was the worst
I knew I wasn't home anymore

I showed love, no matter what I was going through
I gave, as I was taught to help
I listened to every word or thought
Many of these against myself
But I didn't know the rules
Inexperienced me
Invested my heart
Got cut free
Said I loved too much
I only knew one way, I was sure
She left
Its ok, I am not there anymore

New, but not new
Thought for sure this one was true
Not so true
Loved and got my heart run right through
Never get used to it, never know what to do
Just not enough attention
I was building a life
We had nothing
I worked day and night
Had a good friend I used to talk about troubles and joys to
Same good friend that entered her too
Held on past the hurt, the hurt never went away
Twenty years and I just couldn't stay
The hole in me that it tore
Its ok, gonna be alright
I am not there anymore

I am not there anymore
I am searching for myself
The one I gave away
The one I should have helped
The one that always worked
Always did good
The lonely one deserving
One misunderstood
People can change you
I am going back
Before the games and mess
Before the heart cracks
What happened to me?
I learned from getting up off of the floor
I want to live again
I won't be here anymore