Truth

I am beside myself.
All of my life, I have faced the rejection and heartache and loneliness from a home that was broken and shattered beneath a mask of happiness, from a father who preferred burning crystals on a spoon than the embrace of his 3 children.
All of my life, I have put my hope into a God that wasn't apparent and present in times where the blade was kissing my wrists and food wasn't welcome into my mouth.
All of my life, I have yearned for love. My heart was my tongue and my altar was their mouths.
 
The truth is that I am not okay.
The truth is that I have survived, I have not lived.
The truth has always been that I will never amount to dreams. My world will never be great.
 
I met you on a Thursday.
Thursdays have always been my favorite. Not only does it mean the weekend is near, but it also means my week is almost over.
I survived!
I talked to you with great fear of not being accepted, hell, with great fear of not even being acknowledged!
We're together now, and I am in love with you.
 
All of my life, I have never felt wanted; I have never had a home.
All of my life, safe was a four letter word. The only four letter word that I craved to feel, touch, and see.
All of my life, I have questioned my purpose. What is it? When will I find mine? Does it even exist? Do I even exist?
 
I am stronger in my faith now than ever. Somebody like you does not just stick around for someone like me. This is God, I'm sure of it.
This is love.
This is safety.
 
This is my truth- my truth is you.