*Boom*

And so you ask Him for His help.  You ask for His guidance, His insight.  You ask that He steer you down the right path, that He gently nudge you in the right direction, that He saves you from yourself because He knows best.  You have done this for a long time and you do several times a day and at the end of your prayers at night.  You trust Him irrevocably.

You know He knows best but, yet, when the signs start happening, you second guess them; perhaps coincidences.  When your pleas are being answered, why do you not accept them?  Why do you not trust them?

But you don't...do you know why?  Perhaps you do, but that is a weakness you don't have time for, right?  Right now, you just keep asking Him to help you...And He still answers, each time louder and louder until the signs are harder to ignore.

Until 'coincidences' turn into bombs.  *BOOM* Perhaps they started far away, but they get closer and closer to each wrong decision you make until *BOOM* *BOOM *BOOM* *BOOM*; they converge like Fourth of July on your life.

How many times do you need to be smacked upside your head?! I want to ask you.  What more do you need?! I want to shout at you, especially after that last life altering one?

What possible reason could you have to cast these signs aside, the ones you've asked for for so long?  The ones that have been answered with more strength as more prayers have been pleaded?  There are no excuses at this point as you are not an excuse maker.  So what justification do you have? What justification are you using?

"But I'm loyal."  You tell yourself.

TO WHOM? Comes the question from nowhere.

And that's when you realize.

"To my fears."