Staying Crazy With Gonz

 
It wasnt my best day in fact I was lost like a person who has actual musical taste at a modern pop concert.

Hopeless beaten in need of a hug or maybe something else .
Hey id sit outside with a sign around my neck saying blow me.please if I thought it actually work.

What dont judge me and dudes need not apply that was a phase in college .
Im kidding I never went to college

She was gone and i was alone left with the farting dog and a world of pain while the miserable  slut puppy was off having the time of her life .

Minus the dirty dancing and Patrick Swayze wearing his skin tight sexy black shirt .
But nobody puts baby i a corner im just saying.

Sure I was alone my booze supply running low trapped in a shithole no hope of getting laid in sight but who's fucking bitter .

I mean I could replace my favorite nypho barely legal head cheerleader with the snap of my fingers.

Yeah I was totally fucked .
I didn't miss her so.much but why the fuck did she have to take her fucking vagina with her Damn greedy bitch .

Fucking women ya think they could just leave it behind like half there motherfucking clothes but oh no the greedy ass bitches.

And to all the ladies reading this please dont take offense im not calling all of you bitches just the dirty whore I was with for six fucking years but again im not bitter.

I was high and dry left only with half her crap and some farting furry hobo I called boozer .

Hey I was the man!
I was the one that was supposed to leave her in the dust .

It was then I had a moment of genius and yet another stiff drink cause my live in hooker left me to die in misery but who's bitter.


I dialed her number .
And to.my suprize she picked up.

Hello Gonzo.

I waited

Um are you just calling to not say anything yet again like last night while you play some.fucked up hair metal power ballad in the background again?

Oh Kelley
Hey sorry bout that last night didn't realize my phone was on .
Yeah was at a total orgy naked chicks everywhere didn't know I called you being I was so busy banging the night away totally not thinking of you.

Yeah that's why I could hear you crying and please pick.better music next time okay .

Well im sorry my.why did you leave me you cold hearted whore playlist wouldn't load .

Jesus Christ Gonzo im.not going to do this with you I told you were done I love you but im not in love with you cause im a heartless whore .
Okay she didn't say the last part but all my stories are based on reality duh there's a difference.

I paused thought about all the good times and kinky things we used to do I was really having one of those sappy TV show moments.

Gonzo what the fuck are you doing?
Kelley asked .

Nothing why just thinking bout the past looking at some home movies we made.

Jesus fucking christ!
Your watching porn and talking to me do not tell me.your jerking off as well you fucking pervert!

Kelley said. In her sexy angry voice once made me think I was in trouble or gonna get a spanking once I didn't fear cause she was on the phone and duh ya can't do that over the phone dumbass reader .

I swear you people who read this are total weirdos I guess that why I love you so much .

But enough with the foreplay children.

After I um got off the subject of if I was masturbating to some art films me and my ex made together .

It was really a think piece about a woman kinda lost seeking to find herself with no gag reflex .

I really miss my hooker.

Sure she was a cruel ,ruthless,lying,Cheating slut puppy but she gave me sex without charging .

To.much that is hahaha I know im fucked up but dont judge me least im a honest pervert.

Gonzo you know there's always going to be a part of me that loves you .

Yeah kid I know .
We were both silent for awhile .
I paused recalled the nights remebred just how close we were laying together in the dark .

Looking into each others eyes .
The scared messed up trainwreck of a soul that always laughed at my jokes.

The silence went on forever till I farted the loudest fart possible It was long and stinky honestly it sounded like a bomb going off and smelled worse than strippers g string after a long night at the club .

Not that I know what that would smell like I mean from what I've been told I mean.

Well at least its good to know nothings ever serious with you.
You drunken bastard .

So does this mean you've seen the error of your ways and are on the first flight home to totally screw the life outta me again?

Um no.

Okay maybe a blow job ?

Don't think so Gonzo.

Fuck okay a hand job while we watch one of those gay ass chick flicks you like .
Hey you be suprized how good the notebook is while getting jerked off.

Mmm Ryan Gosling mucho sexy is all I'm gonna say.


Im kidding well kinda.

Gonz honey I know your in pain and I just want you to promise me this baby.

Please don't stop writing okay.
Kelley  said to me.
I don't care what its about baby just never stop I love your work I always will you know your my favorite writer always.

I just got to figure me out is all.

I paused to drag this story out just a little longer and make the five of you that stuck through to read this shit wonder .

What the hell kind of shit is this nut on.

Well im definitely not on my ex haha but who is bitter.

We spoke a llittle longer I made her laugh as always promised her I would keep on being the greatest perverted short story writer on a site for poets that I could be.

We hung up went are separate ways.
I went on to be captain kickass .

And Kelley  she fell asleep at the wheel drove off the side of a mountain dying in a fiery death .

Im kidding well I can always hope .

Im still writing like she asked.
And as long if your reading this sweetheart I know your demented ass thinks its funny .

Stay crazy.

Gonzo