Falling Into Darkness

As Emma stumbled down the empty hallway of her apartment, she tripped and grasped the wall to keep herself from falling. She steadied herself and smoothed her black dress that fell just above her knees. “Shit,” she mumbled.

After regaining some balance, Emma stumbled into her bedroom. She sighed as she looked around her room. Her desk was neatly organized, sheets folded neatly on her bed, and perfume rested on her vanity, along with a glass filled with a bouquet of dead spray roses. Her eyes traveled up to the vanity mirror from across the room where she stood in silence.

Emma sighed and flipped on the light, illuminating the dark room, and walked unsteadily to her closet that was halfway slid open. She slammed her clutch on top of her desk, knocking over a book. Emma then kicked off her black velvet heels and turned to face her closet, slipping off her black dress. She let it fall to the floor before changing into loungewear.

Emma stood silently as she stared blankly in front of her at the raised coffin. Words and images of times past flooded her mind as she stood still. They were both at the age of 32, engaged and soon to be married. Emma thought to herself, Why did you leave me? Why did you leave me so soon? None of this makes any sense.

The priest stood on the other side of the coffin and as he spoke, Emma faintly heard his voice without registering his words.

Emma looked up and stared out the window. Night had fallen. All was silent and peaceful, Emma’s favorite time. She was alone in a vast world of quiet darkness. Walking unsteadily to her bed, Emma flipped back the sheets and opened her laptop from where it rested on the mattress. Pulling up her playlist, Emma turned up the volume and pressed, “Play”. A beautifully sad song of Brian Eno began to play loudly on repeat.

Stepping forward, Emma placed a white Lily, the flower of death, on top of the coffin. Placing her hand lightly on the glazed wood, she leaned down to place a lingering kiss next to her hand. Standing up straight again, Emma stepped back to where she previously stood. Light raindrops began to fall and she turned to the chair where she previously sat to pick up a black umbrella. Opening it, Emma took one last look at the coffin before raising the umbrella to cover herself from the rain. She walked to the car that drove her to the cemetery and opened the door, sliding into the backseat and staring out the window.

Emma sighed again and stood up, walking unsteadily to the dark hallway. She slowly made her way to the kitchen where she poured a full glass of chilled vodka she had taken from the freezer. Emma took a sip of the drink before slowly walking out of the kitchen and back to her room, holding the bottle of vodka. She sat on her bed and looked out the window into the dark night sky, taking a sip of her drink before placing it loudly on her bedside table, next to the bottle of vodka.

After several quiet moments of standing by the doors of the reception hall, Emma crossed the room to the bar, ordering a vodka cranberry. She took the drink from the bartender and turned to face his mother, who had placed a hand on Emma’s shoulder.

Emma stared blankly into his mother’s puffy eyes. After several moments of silence, Emma spoke in a flat tone. “We were supposed to get married in 3 months.”

His mother lightly and lovingly rubbed Emma’s shoulder. Heartbreak could be heard in her tone. “It will be alright,” she said slowly and softly.

Emma took a sip of her drink and shook her head. Her facial expression and voice were flat. “You don’t know that.”

Together they stood in silence. Emma had nothing to say. After a moment, Emma sighed and took another sip of her drink before hugging his mother. “I’m sorry you lost your son,” Emma said emotionless.

She took a long sip of her drink as she watched his mother turn to silently walk away. Turning around, Emma placed the now empty glass on the bar, sliding it to the bartender. “Another one, please.” After she was given a fresh drink she lifted her glass and smiled at him. “Cheers to an open bar.”

The same song continued to play as Emma sat silently, staring out the window into the darkness. After finishing her drink, Emma took hold of the cold bottle of vodka, filling her glass again. Sitting on her bed drinking in silence, she continued to stare out the window with blurred vision.

After several minutes, Emma broke the silence and yelled, “Why? Why did you leave me? Tell me the fucking reason why you left me!” She quickly finished her drink before throwing it across the room, glass shattering against the window.

Suddenly Emma began to sob, allowing herself to feel pain for the first time that day. Falling back on the mattress sideways, her body shook as tears streamed down her cheeks. Several painful minutes passed before she kicked her laptop to the edge of her bed, drifting into darkness.