different times

my hands shook, turning paler
than the burning snow surrounding them.
i jumped on the iced over puddles,
looking for weak spots,
hearing the satisfying crack as i got
closer to the cold water lying
beneath the ice.
indoors, i was no warmer with a few pairs
of socks covering my toes, and a hot chocolate
between my fingers.
i took my camera with me to the outdoors,
to drop it in the snow
as it slid away from my skeletal grip,
my motions more lethargic than usual
due to the frost making it’s way past my knuckles.
i refused to wear gloves and my coat
was just a hoodie and merely mediocre as such.
i fell through the woods as if my underdressed crusade
might lead me somewhere that wasn’t
what was becoming painfully monochromatic surroundings,
grey sky, grey trees, grey river,
i did not find inspiration in anything
whilst i wandered for hours wondering about
hypothermia and at what point was the cold too cold
for me to continue without repercussions,
and if i cared about the repercussions enough to go back home.
indoors, i was no warmer with a few thick blankets
and the cat curled up in my frigid lap.