Failed Attempt (Suicide Competition)

Pills on the counter, and all over the floor
I’ve taken all I can take, I just can’t do anymore
Walking into afterlife, or perhaps the lack of one
Nothing more to do, the peace of being done

I stopped crying, three or four hours ago
When I finally decided to sever my life flow
Guilt, oh how you pile up around my now cold bath
How will those who loved me forgive this path

Perhaps it isn’t too late, to find a way out of this cloud
But how could I meet the eyes of the pity crowd
Standing around my hospital bed, rubbing hands, cooing softly
My soft side can’t leave my loves so quickly, so cruely

But that other voice speaks up, loud and clear
“They don’t love you.” He whispers to my fear
My doubt regresses at this unspeakable truth
And I lay back to give away my youth

No suicide night note, no letter telling why
But if they don’t know, all the more reason to goodbye
They’ll move on from this pain, I did twice
People will crowd around them to give them sweet advice

Too late now, all choice gone as world sinks to black
Too late for me to try to take anything back
Oh no, that faint feeling of hands dragging me away from my goal
Sirens outside, tears dripping down, feels like they’re hitting my soul

Unfortunately it looks like I’m going to have a second chance
Another time to be rejected by life, at its annual dance
I wake up to several happy sighs of relief
I tell myself “Next time be more thorough, avoid all this grief”