Anticipate?

 
Looking for answers. Over the edge.  
Reality is like the fairytale of Alice with depth  
Maybe I'm scared. I'm in awe with myself  
A sequence of signs reflect what I dont say  
Anticipating the victory sun  
Traumas that blossomed when you were young  
The wise caterpillar gets hits from the bong  
and gives lessons that aren't appropriate for all  
I guess I'm lucky. I 've died inside  
But my reincarnation was merely a lie  
I 've never realised the secret of this hell  
"Downwards is upwards"...I jumped but I fell  
I smashed up my head. My memory turned black  
I intend to go up but  I don't give a fuck