deepundergroundpoetry.com
questions
my heart
don’t hush again on me
both my hands
on my chest
what good is love?
that no one shares
what good am I?[1]
as my spirit seeks
explores the movements
those tides towards me
covering my skin
with sensations
strength and weakness
rushing in
and then
reflux
out
away
leaving my voice
crying
within
craving those
warm torrents
to caress
and carry me
up
up
up towards the light
as lightly
as an autumn leaf[2]
where to?[3]
heaven
in the space
where my soul and spirit
possess you irreversibly
until the very thought of me
is making you wet
puts a smile
on your beautiful face
and suddenly
you like
everything about me
even desire to witness
the darkest moods
fucking my inner peace
shattered
weak
and vulnerable
asking myself:
to love
or
to be loved?
Music References:
[1] Max Richter Ft. Dinah Washington - On The Nature Of Daylight / This Bitter Earth
[2] Roxy Music - More Than This
[3] Apparat - Over and Over
don’t hush again on me
both my hands
on my chest
what good is love?
that no one shares
what good am I?[1]
as my spirit seeks
explores the movements
those tides towards me
covering my skin
with sensations
strength and weakness
rushing in
and then
reflux
out
away
leaving my voice
crying
within
craving those
warm torrents
to caress
and carry me
up
up
up towards the light
as lightly
as an autumn leaf[2]
where to?[3]
heaven
in the space
where my soul and spirit
possess you irreversibly
until the very thought of me
is making you wet
puts a smile
on your beautiful face
and suddenly
you like
everything about me
even desire to witness
the darkest moods
fucking my inner peace
shattered
weak
and vulnerable
asking myself:
to love
or
to be loved?
Music References:
[1] Max Richter Ft. Dinah Washington - On The Nature Of Daylight / This Bitter Earth
[2] Roxy Music - More Than This
[3] Apparat - Over and Over
Published 27th May 2017
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reading list entries 0
comments 3
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
I typically eshew question poetry because many times there's an element of ego present that destroys the essence of the Poem, i. e. - memeME why isn't life about MEEEE?!
One difference between a seasoned writer and a novice ( imho ) is the ability to make a question work in a poem. How does a question work? It deflects the reader into themselves vs feeling like they're witnessing a melodramatic monologue between the poet and himself.
Not that a melodramatic monologue between the poet and himself won't work, but it has to be done in such a way that the reader feels drawn into it, thus are they drawn into themselves in the process of discovering their own answers to the poet's questions.
This poem accomplishes that. I also enjoyed the form. It was unique is visual prsentation and added to the content.
I particularly enjoyed this, as I feel it's essential to long-term relationships built on truth and transparency:
everything about me
even desire to witness
the darkest moods
fucking my inner peace
And boy do they f*ck with them ...
The vulnerability is touching. Thanks for sharing.
One difference between a seasoned writer and a novice ( imho ) is the ability to make a question work in a poem. How does a question work? It deflects the reader into themselves vs feeling like they're witnessing a melodramatic monologue between the poet and himself.
Not that a melodramatic monologue between the poet and himself won't work, but it has to be done in such a way that the reader feels drawn into it, thus are they drawn into themselves in the process of discovering their own answers to the poet's questions.
This poem accomplishes that. I also enjoyed the form. It was unique is visual prsentation and added to the content.
I particularly enjoyed this, as I feel it's essential to long-term relationships built on truth and transparency:
everything about me
even desire to witness
the darkest moods
fucking my inner peace
And boy do they f*ck with them ...
The vulnerability is touching. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for the thorough and thoughtful comment, Ahavati!
I rarely approach the poem as a piece deliberately affecting the reader, even though when written I could suppose what kind of a reader might relate to it.
My process is rather based on associative thinking than on thoughtful writing focused on a specific segment of readers.
I might try be more deliberate and analytical on the Editor stage before publishing out to the world.
I rarely approach the poem as a piece deliberately affecting the reader, even though when written I could suppose what kind of a reader might relate to it.
My process is rather based on associative thinking than on thoughtful writing focused on a specific segment of readers.
I might try be more deliberate and analytical on the Editor stage before publishing out to the world.
5th Jun 2017 2:30pm
Another piece of question poetry... https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/273508-what-do-you-see/
