5: 85:  The Iron Door

Excerpt 85 from Journal 5:  'Reaching My True Love'
   -From 'Journals To My True Love, Part 2'

My Love, inside this institution of me lies an iron room
   with an iron door; it is my vault...
Within this vacuum space is where I place the things
   most sacred to me so the world cannot degrade them...
My treasures; the things I deeply love to my core are there
   and so are visions of you so young and fair...
But what is there must stay sealed up as I go through
   daily life lest it sustain collateral damage...
I don't want to punish my deepest and most dear memories
   for daily heartache and I don't want to punish you, My Love...
So I must seal you inside the vault behind the iron door to
   remain unharmed...
Do not pine for me there for I am there too in my deepest
   thoughts...
I am a soft breeze on your skin in that place of stillness...
Look around you and you will see my earliest treasures;
   toy horses, a stuffed dog, a tea set and a beribboned
   lace dress with patent leather shoes...
You sit there cocked to one side so still in your intense
   tranquility; you are like a doll, too and you will never
   slip completely from my memory...
In dreams I will still see you then as now...
I retired you to the deepest annals of my hearts memories...
And those annals have fueled and become my stories...
I will return one day to the vault to visit with my earliest
   memories...
I know I will one day have to clean out the vault and
   set them all free to degrade in piles of open air...
How sad will be this end, but necessary as my life is
   fleeting and transient...
I want no one in this sacred vault when I am gone,
   so I must dismantle it...
Wait for me there and I will be the only one to greet
   you when the door opens...
But it will only open once so enjoy the long wait and
   reflective peace...
My Love, you are a treasure that I will only allow
   myself to find; you are mine in captivity...
Stay captive and I will set you free one day...
Solidify your mind as your body lay still and limp...
I deprive you to prepare for your awakening...
You cannot die; I know that for you are too alive
   even in catatonic stillness...
Only I know how to shock you to life...
And I will in time, I promise to resurrect you...
My own resurrection will be yours as well...