I die

I die inside a little every time
I want but can't call you mine
I want to take you hand and walk
But instead that I only talk
I die a little when I rise awake
From a dream/sleep where I make
Real the union of our hearts
Where our love forever lasts
I die a little inside thinking
I will always stay in dreaming
Holding you will be real only
In the made up world too holy
I die a little inside afraid
What I got wasn't not paid
Enough for you to hold to it
I have to know I make you bleed
I die a lot inside knowing I
Make your smile stop to shine
I cut your wings not being able
To keep you heartbeat stable
I die a lot inside I can't become
For you the shelter and the guard
Can't be the one to say:"No more"
"No more things you cried for"
I die a lot inside I'm not there
You walk and call for me somewhere
I cry trying to make you hear
But in response I get only fear
I die a lot inside I hurt you
Die feeling that it hurts me too
I die not knowing what's the best
Leave or stay a blade in your chest