Ponder My Year

The air surrounding me starts to feel a bit thick.
I breathe it in and choke and spit.  
The realization of negligence starts to sink, it settles in like a burdensome weight.
It crushes down upon my soul, regret taking its anguishing toll.
Once more I swallow my remorse, digesting its bitterness that burns a hole right through my core.
It has all become more than I can take before I buckle and break.
Maybe it's time to admit my failures and reflect on my self inflicted defeat.
 I have to accept this grim drear and acknowledge that
This was the year that I gained another 10 pounds
This was the year that I've lost more than I found.
Now I forgot all the right words to say and I can't utter a sound, I rather sit in solidarity and silence.
Ive rejected all compassion and alliance.
I've broken more promises than an "I pinky swear" can ever bound.