Pure Disapointment

Pure disappointment,
That’s all I’ve ever been.
That's all I ever feel,
I can never win.  
 
Why don’t they hear me,
Why don’t they see me,
Am I just a mat,
For other’s welcoming?  
 
For them to wipe their feet
And then be forgotten?
Like the thousands of slaves
Who once picked cotton.
 
Pictures taken,  
I’m always right there,
Ready on the side lines.
Oh the picture is so perfectly clear.
 
It would be nice to be normal,
It would be nice to fit in.
For once in my life,
I want to be like them.
 
But maybe not,
Because I know they’re fake.
But to be included?
Wouldn’t be a mistake.
 
Trying to be kind,
I put myself last.
No one’s looking back,
I’m a part of their past.
 
Their past?
Hardly at all.
More like a fading memory,
One that’s become dull.  
 
Sitting here now,
Looking through the rooms,
Faces smile,  
Laughter booms.
 
Maybe it’s better this way.
I don’t know how to live.
I only forget.
Then myself, I never forgive.
 
Pure disappointment,
That’s all I feel,
All I’ve ever been,
I will never heal.