I Guess it's a Choice

I've been told I feel this way because I choose to
That I don't want to change my habits, or the things I do
That I don't want to be a happy person
I've been told that if I just stick to the meds and play along
Schedule a hundred appointments to tell my doctor they're all wrong
To find a medication that can slowly mask my mind
To hide it from myself so even I won't be able to find
Because how I feel is my fault, my DECISION.
I guess it's an inmates choice to rot away in prison
I guess it's a choice when a man has metal screws
Snug tightly in his leg and he prays they don't come loose
I guess it's a choice that the child can't let go of the fact
That he hasn't seen his dad since he walked out, and he's never coming back
I guess it's a choice that the struggling mother of three
Has to make the call to pull the plug on her mothers life support machine
I guess it's a choice that the wounded combat veteran
Watches his brother die in his arms over and over again
I guess it's a choice that the woman was raped at thirteen
She scrubs her body every night never clean, even now, at Twenty-Three

You see these people on the outside make judgements and decisions
Based off their opinion, their experiences, or even based off religion
Like they have a simple answer for your demons in your life
A simple solution... Just put down the knife
Throw the razor blades away, you just don't cut starting today
You're gonna stop abusing drugs because there's a better way
You're gonna stop crying yourself to sleep, and get some better rest
You're gonna just stop blaming yourself, and finally try your best
You're gonna look into that mirror and love the person that you see
You're gonna do it wout a problem, making that decision is so easy

Because it's obvious that when you struggle, you're just not trying
You're making that decision to break down crying
You're making the decision to give up on everything
And we should listen to them because they don't know anything

They don't know you, they don't know me
Even your closest friends and family
They don'y know you, they don't understand your struggle
And their solutions are just another problem for you to juggle
Because they insist and they persist ,they cause even more mental battles
You don't want to be rude, but you're already up shit creek without a paddle
You feel like you fail them and yourself every day
Wishing you could just smile and slowly fade away

They'll never understand that your sadness is no decision
They'll never understand you're stuck in a mental prison
My decision? My DECISION? My god, you can't be serious
I'm curious if your delirious, if you even knew how you appear to us
Because from the inside looking out
Where we hide inside out doubt
You look like an asshole...
An ignorant self absorbed, self obsessed, holer than thou, grade A asshole

You think you get it when you don't
Like you're a doctor without the coat
Like you're a miracle psychiatrist
When you're closer to being a cynical Nihilist

Can't you just accept me as the train wreck that I am? .... Damn....
Because every time you try to fix me, you make it so much worse
You push me closer to my dream of riding first class in a hearse
I don't need that extra mental wieght when I open up my skin
Your voice inside my head... Disappointed in me again
One day your advice would very well be the trigger
That ensures I will never make it home for dinner

So frown on me, and feed me your superior knowledge
Because why wouldn't I listen to someone who skipped out on college
Your opinion is a cancer to me, so keep it to yourself
When I say that it's a cancer, it means it definitely doesn't help
But your words let me know that I have failed your expectation
And that gives me another reason for my self mutilation
So thank you, I guess, for crystal clear sound advice
That I should just breath and get over it, and move on with my life

It's so simple, man, I wish I could've thought of it first
It's so easy, just forget about how i feel and all the hurt
And when they find my body, please show up to my funeral
And preach about you understood, and wished I would have just talked to you