I am the Jury

The pressure rises from the bottom to the top,  
the fluid boils within that can not stop,  
the clock is ticking between my constructive thinking,  
my eyes swollen from lack of sleep,  
alcohol seems to be my new comfort,  
yet this situation cannot be forgotten, this structure loosened,  
It has been embedded by poison, I am the knight being positioned,  
life is to precious and vigorous, yet my body has been weighing me down,  
my veins pulsating uncontrollably,  
my thoughts have been bewildered, my voice was always filtered,  
this situation I must explain,  
yet I cannot speak,
I'm choking from the camel reds, hoping it shall clear my head,
keeping me light headed and calm,  
trying to keep steady as I watch the oceans current,  
I have to get this out right this moment,  
I know I am your child, I know that it is hard for me to speak my mind,  
to knowing you will never find,  
the love that you have deserved and the answer's that keep you sheltered,  
my love, and my life is all I can show, yet that shall not be enough,  
your the strongest person I know, sent here on a mission, to solve everything and make the correction,  
please I must take action, I am your son,  
but let me explain the empathy I show for you,  
raised to be the best man I can be,  
never cheat, never miss treat, a woman is a goddess,  
a temple of gold and pearls, a woman carries life within,  
sharing the beauty of birth and motherhood,  
they're our strengths when we are weak,  
a woman's love out weighs any obstacle,  
they're beautiful and precious and more powerful than men,  
my grandfather and grandmother always told me,  
for that I have become a man to appreciate the importance of such a creation,  
for me to see disrespect upon a woman puts me in disbelief,  
watching your every move cunningly,  
seeing the undergoing of bigotry,  
love was your weakest strength father,  
imperfection was never allowed with you, lies were never tolerated,  
yet the coldness of your voice told me different,  
the abuse was always put upon me,  
torture just seemed like a game to you,  
ripping skin from my body, lashes of hate from your child hood,  
outraged to thinking I would be just like you,  
which was not true, to scared to show myself outside,  
yet I loved you but can never forgive you,  
you raise me to be a man father,  
you raised me to be you, to be strong, emotionless and fearless,  
hide the pain and soak it in as if I was a sponge,  
your actions were so harmful and so unpredictable,  
trying so hard to have this forgotten,  
for breaking the bound for what you have given,  
for lack of composure I can not comprehend,  
my sanity has kept me hidden,  
should you ever be forgiven, carrying this fear while I studied,  
I would clinch for the next day to arrive,  
my body beginning to feel so deprived,  
food started to taste like black charcoal,  
the beauty of the world was rotting, disoriented and misled my whole life,  
causing my mother distress and discomfort,  
I would curse the day you came into our lives,  
wandering the streets like a lost dog, this agony I could not escape,  
yet you were always there when I needed you,  
as I got older you began to transform into something words could not explain,  
making this hate so much more unbearable,  
the nights start to become a blur,  
my mood changing rapidly, the clock just struck midnight,  
its funny how I cant fully define,  
the way I feel exactly,  
one day I shall explain,  
for now I shall wait, but just know I am your son,  
I am not blind,  
I am concerned, I am certain,  
your both in denial, this has become a trial,  
I am the jury,  
make your move I shall be watching.