deepundergroundpoetry.com
Beautiful Soul
you give me
the sultry summer
of your mouth
feed me your words
tasting of spring
born from a sweet membrane
between body and soul
through which I
can hazily see
the pulsating pool
of your beautiful soul;
twirling
the sultry summer
of your mouth
feed me your words
tasting of spring
born from a sweet membrane
between body and soul
through which I
can hazily see
the pulsating pool
of your beautiful soul;
twirling
Published 25th Aug 2011
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comments 9
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25th Aug 2011 2:51pm
2 Souls intertwined
like da tree limb & vine
makes such a Beautiful design
der is truly nuthin gr8er u cud find....
like da tree limb & vine
makes such a Beautiful design
der is truly nuthin gr8er u cud find....
25th Aug 2011 8:28pm
25th Aug 2011 6:39pm
That's a nice poem. There is a slight veering toward purple-ness, but no biggie.
"born from a sweet membrane " This broke the flow for me because it was a bit too scientifically worded than the rest of the poem.
Good work though!
"born from a sweet membrane " This broke the flow for me because it was a bit too scientifically worded than the rest of the poem.
Good work though!
25th Aug 2011 8:27pm
Thanx for the feedback. Not sure what Purpleness means - as in darker? I have looked at the sentence you gave and was thinking of other words to use - would veil or film be better? Please let me know.
Thanx again!
Thanx again!
27th Aug 2011 2:05pm
11th Jun 2013 9:53am
Anonymous
- Edited 8th Oct 2022 2:45pm
10th Jun 2013 9:05am
<< post removed >>
11th Jun 2013 9:55am
thank you for your kind words. It keeps me going and it helps me to have confidence to write more.
2nd Dec 2013 5:52pm
