Collateral Damage

A long day where everything went wrong
With a long list of griefs,
I'm counting the seconds  
Until I find relief at his apartment
Snuggling in his arms.
A text breaks the spell.
Irritation.
Forced to interact when I would  
Rather romp with him.
I grin and bear it, drink in hand,
The descending buzz mellowing the annoyance
Until your hurtful comment.
Pain.  
My heart cracks, exposing my weakness.
I tamp down the tears, pretending to be okay,
Another drink in hand, this one stronger.
Shrugging out of my shirt,
Overcome by the heat and emotion.
Suggestions made, clothing changed,
Skin bared to hide my heart.
Sexy.  
Swaying with her to the beat of the music,
Exposing my desire.
Lips trembling for a kiss.
One false move and I fall
Into her arms
Passion igniting as her lips touch mine.
Never wanting to lose their soft heat,
Desire flushes my body.
His shout breaks the kiss,
Disappointment floods my mind.
Lust.
For her, for him.
I crave sex.  
But his jealousy flares, igniting an argument.  
Knowing we need to smooth our conflict,
We move to allow them privacy.
I pour out my soul to you
In blind trust.
You spy an opportunity  
Tempting my desire.
I cave to the pressure briefly
Then realize my mistake.
Hoping for reprieve, I confess my doubt.
You press my head down,
Urging me to continue despite my objection.
Fear.
Flitting through the haze of my mind.
What will happen if I don't comply?
My life doesn't matter much.
Recklessness.
Enfusing my body.
Forgetting the repercussions, I pretend for you.
Compliance smooths rough paths
I think to myself.
Guilt.  
Piercing my conscience
As I continue this farce.
I did not want this
I want him, not you,
And he will kill me.
Though I blame him for my actions,
They are my choices,
My fucked up choices.
Impelled on me by fucked up circumstances.
Betrayed.
I trusted you, thought you a friend.
Now the repercussions are mine.
A pawn in your revenge,
Simply collateral damage,
Held responsible for it all.