Tried to escape

11 pm at night
Wide awake
Mind rolling flash backs
A non escape
I try closing my eyes
But I'm wide awake
Awake by fear
Fear of him
I see him on the back side of my eye lids
I tried to escape
But I'm held down
Never did I know this strength
Never did I think I would
I see you
I see the way you looked at me
Such pleasure for you
But not for me
Eyes damped
Mind wondering to a safe place
Pain I can't take
But no strength against yours
You take
And take
I lose my sanity
I lost surreal good reality
What's happening
I see darkness in you
And my light dimming
Why?
Just why?