Spring break fever

Last week, before the break I lost a connection with a female friend. The way things is going between us it's not going to be the same. we are humans and we all make mistakes, but the best way to make things up is to make it right with that individual. I been chasing a female who is 21 and just wanna live her life,  I'm 26 and just trying to do right. Sometimes it's hard to keep clean when you are surrounded by allot of dirty laundry. I hate being left out and forgot about, its just like  When the female I love cheated and did things with guys that we never done together. When she cheated on me it broke my heart in pieces. When I came to her she had no reasons.  After experiencing that pain, I realized how both of my ex's felt when I DID the same thing. All the time I wish that they would have gave me a second chance like I gave her. Sometimes I felt the reason why I gave her so many chances is because I was desperately in love with her and I fell so hard to the point that I can't Let go. I fell in love with her for the right reasons, I fell for her mind, spirit, and heart.  she don't understand, every time I see her my heart skips a beat and I be overjoyed when we hug. When she take her friends side over mines that drives me over the edge, because they was the same ones that dogged her in front of me. I get upset when she don't pay attention or treat me like horse crap and knowing that I love her. Everyone was right, she don't know what love is, because who will keep giving a person chances, still loving that person, and being there for that person someone tell me who? It's hard letting a person go that you lived dearly to the heart, but honestly I don't want to let her go. Its seems like a trend that the good guy's get passed over and put in the friend zone or on the sideline. When it's time to stop? people if you have someone that trying to love you DO your best to do the same, because life is too short.  
 
the week of spring break, I been exercising to keep my mind sharp and on a straight narrow. thinking about everything that happened. I run faster and faster having her on my mind, wondering what if, how and why. I'm scorned from what happen when she cheated to the point every time I visualize in my head I get mad and just want to get Away. I guess that WAS the same way my ex's felt when I DID it. I asked the lord to forgive me and I tried so hard to make it right with them. The whole week I tried to connect with her, so we can talk it out, but she is so rejective towards me that SHE don't hear me, I strongly believe that she hate me. I don't know where we headed, but I just don't want to fuck her like them other ones, I just want to make love to her.  See, I didn't want her for sex or to get a nut off , I just wanted her heart and mind. as days goes by I go the park and workout to keep me sane, because lately I been feeling like I want to snap. I pray that things goes well, but the way this world is going I don't think some people will never come to their senses about having a good person in their life. People come and go, but if you have someone trying be good to you and love you for you, hold that individual down the same way. See sometimes we get confused on who is our real true friends by looks or situation. its hard to find good friends like it's hard to find a good person. See,  I love this girl and all her flaws in my eyes she can't do no wrong. I just hope that she see my heart beats for her in the midst of the storm.  
 
Last year spring break was a disaster, that was the week I was getting over her cheating, but the worst part was that my best friend knew and didn't tell me. I was crushed, because I feel betrayed, like someone leaving me in the dessert without no water. So yea, like a little boy I talked about him and that is when the drama started between us. My supposed to be friend and her friends distance themselves from me and clicked on with her like she was the victim and I was the suspect. Every time me and her friends got into an argument or disagreement it's distance herself from me, because they would have told her. She love her friends more than me and I was the one telling her that they was dogging her out in front of my face. The more the problems arose with me and her friends, the further and further away she was pulling from me. It was one time that I tried to get along with them, but they left me out on everything. I really liked them, but they crossed me so many times to the point that I can't trust them. She admired her friends so much that she listen to them when they dogged me out like I did wrong, they told her so much negative stuff about me that she took it in and now we can't even talk or get along, because we don't see eye to eye anymore. The whole time this is going on, I'm trying to show her different, but it wasn't working, because I was outnumbered.  
They told her so some things that you don't tell, so basically they crossed the line. I grew hate overnight when the text and calls was going unanswered. I strongly believe that me and her relationship would have been great if it wasn't for her friends telling everything. it hit hard so much that it hurts like someone swinging a baseball bat at a ball aiming for a home run, she let them come in between and she treated other guys better than she ever done to me.  
 
I felt so terrible how things went and she DIDN'T care about my feelings at all. She went below the belt and she started telling things to them that I didn't want them to know. Last year during Christmas I went over the edge to the point that if they was in front of me I would have done something bad to them. I was in dark place for a long time, because of what transpired. The whole time, this was happening I was trying to get us on the right page, but she was not hearing it, but she was listening to everybody else. They  say love is what you do, so I basically showed her and told her everything to the little things that she likes,  to the ring and the necklace with her initials on it. Yea, I was good to her while she WAS evil to me. I just didn't understand why she was so rejective towards me and I was not doing anything to harm her. Her friends was on the outside looking in and everything was so one sided. There was a time when she didn't wanted to go out with me, but when she revealed that she was ashamed of me my heart drops to the floor. She basically was trying to impress people and friends, but at the same time why would she do that and she DIDN'T HAVE to pay for anything? She blocked my calls, texts messages and this is why I say that she hate me.  the whole situation took me back when I was in high school and everybody judge or dislike me, because of what OTHER people said. I had a rough couple of years in high school and this situation remind me of it. I turned dark towards everyone that done me wrong, except for her, because I still love her.  As time goes by she was acting like them other people in society and started criticising before looking at the real truth.  
 
I can't blame it all on her, because I did act like I own her, but if there was any problems we could have talked about it like adults. There is no such thing as thing as a perfect relationship, but every problem can be worked out if both individuals come to an agreement on everything. I told her if she had any problems with me tell me and I will change it for the best. I was always was the type of person that will do anything to save a relationship for going down. I cried so hard, because I am such a good person, but why this was happening to me. I felt like I was nothing to her, I felt so down that I would have left everything and just disappear. While we were having problems, instead of us talking to one another about it, she went to the ones that put pain in my heart the most and that was her friends.  
 
As it was raining a couple of days, there were times when I just wanted to make love to her, because the way she acting it would been well needed. I asked myself why I was being so punished by the female that love so hard that I would have not done anything for her. A lot of different people was criticising why I'm still with her and still trying to love her. At one point, I was furious when she cared about other people feelings and not mines. I never loved someone that hard in my life and when it was slipping away I just prayed that God will bring it back.  
I encourage everyone who read this to keep their relationship and friendship separate, because  it can caused a whole lot of problems, take it from me.  
 
I tried so hard to make it right with her, but she just kept listening to WHAT other say instead of her heart. I always thought about her and her mom, so anytime I got her a gift mom got something as well. I was never selfish, but I'm living in selfish world. The point that I don't understand is why some females go hard or get attached to the wrong type of guys who don't love them as much as the good guys do. Seems like they pick the worst guys and try to make a man out of them, but when they get dogged out than what. I seen so many cases that females pick something they Like from the worst type of guy and try to keep it. This is a material, sex crazed, crooked world, because its very rare that you find someone looking for love and not sex. Seems like YOU can't trust nobody, because everything is turning up fake or not good. The society is so judgemental and racist, these days you have to watch your back.  I told her I love her every time I see her, because there ain't no telling WHAT might happen to me or her. I love her so much that I would have went above and beyond for her. Sometimes I just want to get Away, because it seems like the people focus on the ones that really don't give a damn about nothing and pushing away the ones that do care about something. I care about her so much that I even cared about her education when nobody didn't. I don't know what it is, but every time I say I'm done God said wait. I told her father and our heavenly father to lead her back to me when she settle down and looking for love. I never had a woman to take a chance on me, because the females in my past was materialistic that I was pushed to the Side due to what I had was not good enough. I hated that!!!!!!  
 
In closing, I love, care, crazed, enjoyed her so much that I made her apart of my life. I even loved her mom even though we didn't get a chance to meet. Even in the midst of the storm I was there for her, because I'm better than that. I love her friends to death even though they did what they did. To be honest, I want her to come home where she belong. I believe we belong together, because we have so much in common. I believe in true love, love at first sight and growing together not apart, I wanted it all with her. I want a future and I want to have something with her.  I'm hoping that she come home sooner than later, but until then I will wait patiently like Forrest Gump was when his wife left and came back.