How I am I doing?

                                              


I know you’re in a better place so I won't ask how you’re doing.
I know you’re watching over me so I ask you, how you think I'm doing?

From the beginning of high school I decided not to show emotion I don't know why.

But that morning I got the call to say you were on your way out, I couldn’t help but cry.

I would cry you a river if meant you floating your way back to us.
But you've gone you’re now the angel up there looking out for us.

I wondered for a while as a man crying does that make me soft, does that make me weak.
Whether hidden or on show emotions are part of me so the answer to that question I no longer seek.

One special lady that held the family together.

Too many memories you’re in our hearts forever.

Free of pain, dementia no longer has a hold on you.

Forever is the length of time we will remember you.

Five children left here on earth representing you.

The 6th child has made his way up to heaven to find you.

7 days a week I regret not visiting regularly enough.
I'm learning to move on with life but it's been rough.

8 times I thought about writing this before I swallowed my pride.

Now here I am on your nine night celebrating your life, with friends and family by my side.

I told you I wasn't happy with what I've achieved so far and you said be patient there's plenty of time.

But procrastinating is what kept me from seeing you, now I feel like I haven't learnt I'm still here wasting my time.

Writing these poems is either a mid-life crisis or an inspirational change.

I've been making the same mistakes to go with the same excuses I felt something had to change.

I'm still figuring it out, after all these years I'm still lost trying to find my way.

Tell me how I'm doing, help me find my way.