Goodbye

for Hayden

I see his face. I see his hand on his dick.
He squeezes the tip for me. Beautiful
Clear wetness oozing. The camera switches
Back to his beautiful face.
The money hits tomorrow night. I am
Starving. Have not eaten in three days.
Addicted to cigarettes from stress, without
The comfort of those too.
Please, he had begged me. I want to hear
You say my name. So I did, I moaned
The name Hayden, beautiful name that it is,
And pinched hard at my tits.
You're amazing, he writes back.
I'll be over later.
So I write at midnight. He has unfriended me
On two places. And I want to climb
Into the ground with my mother.
I wish there was a painless way to do it.
I wish one could hire a hitman on themselves.
I want silence. I don't want to feel anymore.
I really want to lie beside my mommy.
And I keep seeing his angel face.
His dark head of hair.
The way he squeezed the tip of his beautiful dick.
The transparent liquid beauty oozing from him.
Something maybe his mom has never seen before.
And maybe he sleeps right now.
And he'll never think of me again.
God, please, I'm ready.
Think of me and maybe, just maybe,
Let me softly stop breathing
In my sleep tonight.