I am not ready

It seemed to me that shield was strong
But a small thought of you proves me wrong
Not even metal, neither my soul guard
Can protect me from the pain so sharp

In one second I go back from where
I am willing to escape, you dared
And I obviously lost it, I have no control
You only talk to me and I lose it all

I don't know what to be sad about first:
Because I see you like a ghost
Every day in front of me or around
Me running to you after first call with no doubt?

I will tell you now one thing
That I am not ready for you to bring
Me down on my knees again
I don't need new, I'll keep my old pain