deepundergroundpoetry.com
Work that DICK baby.....baby got damn!!!!!!
Mmmmmmmmm
Fuck me on the bed
baby lay your pipe
toda la noche
in spanish MEANS
"all night"
I'll spread
my legs open
like the letter
V
so you can start fuckin
this pussy
you got the cannon
you got the balls
If you hit this
pussy right
you'll see
niagra falls
shower your DICK
like a donut glaze
that's how I do it
when you get laid
no need to rush
I unplugged
the clock
keep your mind
on my pussy
while I grab
a sock
and put it in
my mouth
to prevent
my screamin'
I'm looking
at your dick
and it's
FEENIN'
you fuckin hard
now the sock
is wet
from my saliva
but you ain't
even done yet
you start to groan
I'm feelin pussy pain
It's like your dick
is sayin.....
"It's about to rain!"
you're almost finished
so I grab your butt
anytime now you're
gonna bust a nut
"There you go!"
the ending of
your RAMS
you worked that dick baby
baby got damn!
Mmmmmmmmmm
"I'm SOCK n WET!"
Fuck me on the bed
baby lay your pipe
toda la noche
in spanish MEANS
"all night"
I'll spread
my legs open
like the letter
V
so you can start fuckin
this pussy
you got the cannon
you got the balls
If you hit this
pussy right
you'll see
niagra falls
shower your DICK
like a donut glaze
that's how I do it
when you get laid
no need to rush
I unplugged
the clock
keep your mind
on my pussy
while I grab
a sock
and put it in
my mouth
to prevent
my screamin'
I'm looking
at your dick
and it's
FEENIN'
you fuckin hard
now the sock
is wet
from my saliva
but you ain't
even done yet
you start to groan
I'm feelin pussy pain
It's like your dick
is sayin.....
"It's about to rain!"
you're almost finished
so I grab your butt
anytime now you're
gonna bust a nut
"There you go!"
the ending of
your RAMS
you worked that dick baby
baby got damn!
Mmmmmmmmmm
"I'm SOCK n WET!"
Published 20th Jan 2017
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 6
reading list entries 2
comments 8
reads 1297
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
I really like this ink right here. Here's why:
From the jump, the title catches the reader (particularly a male reader) in all the right places. It excites. For many, I'm sure the title might push them away and I'm sure some of the more "self-righteous: among us would say this is more porn than erotica. For me, there in lies the ingenuity in what you wrote. Sure it's brash but you weave such a clear and creative story here that even with the dialect used, your story pulls the reader in. It's very creative. It makes you think.....and that to me is very sexy. Those little small details like:
" Fuck me on the bed
baby lay your pipe
toda la noche
in spanish MEANS
"all night" ..." I like the perceived wet heat in this
"you got the cannon
you got the balls
If you hit this
pussy right
you'll see
niagra falls...
....shower your DICK
like a doughnut glaze
that's how I do it
when you get laid >>" Good use of verb/action and nice metaphors with " niagra falls" and "doughnut glaze"
each segment builds like a musical crescendo......you truly build an orgasmic ending with your word painting
"you fuckin hard
now the sock
is wet
from my saliva
but you ain't
even done yet
you start to groan
I'm feelin pussy pain
It's like your dick
is sayin.....
"It's about to rain!"
all the way to ending. You not only speak of "bustin' a nut" Your words bust it "wide open"
and it surely leaves the reader "turnt all the way up. Good job. A very erotically charged piece of word art. 😎
From the jump, the title catches the reader (particularly a male reader) in all the right places. It excites. For many, I'm sure the title might push them away and I'm sure some of the more "self-righteous: among us would say this is more porn than erotica. For me, there in lies the ingenuity in what you wrote. Sure it's brash but you weave such a clear and creative story here that even with the dialect used, your story pulls the reader in. It's very creative. It makes you think.....and that to me is very sexy. Those little small details like:
" Fuck me on the bed
baby lay your pipe
toda la noche
in spanish MEANS
"all night" ..." I like the perceived wet heat in this
"you got the cannon
you got the balls
If you hit this
pussy right
you'll see
niagra falls...
....shower your DICK
like a doughnut glaze
that's how I do it
when you get laid >>" Good use of verb/action and nice metaphors with " niagra falls" and "doughnut glaze"
each segment builds like a musical crescendo......you truly build an orgasmic ending with your word painting
"you fuckin hard
now the sock
is wet
from my saliva
but you ain't
even done yet
you start to groan
I'm feelin pussy pain
It's like your dick
is sayin.....
"It's about to rain!"
all the way to ending. You not only speak of "bustin' a nut" Your words bust it "wide open"
and it surely leaves the reader "turnt all the way up. Good job. A very erotically charged piece of word art. 😎
21st Jan 2017 6:08pm
You analyzed that very well triple M! thanks for your feedback,I write from my heart,what I'm feeling at that moment will come to formation in a sexy,seductive way that's why I have" NO FUCKIN LIMITS" # GO HARD! And that is what I will continue to do....for the grown folks! Smile
20th Jan 2017 8:01pm
reading Mr M's version and analysis
I am sounding musical
reading this
imagine what will happen
when I see Niagara falls
as I HAVE A FALL
in Niagara often
I am sounding musical
reading this
imagine what will happen
when I see Niagara falls
as I HAVE A FALL
in Niagara often
21st Jan 2017 6:12pm
21st Jan 2017 5:24pm
21st Jan 2017 6:10pm
22nd Jan 2017 11:02am
Wow, the wordplay was truly on point! The nasty was amazingly graphic, n they ending was brilliant!!! lol
22nd Jan 2017 11:53am
