Sincerely, your mommy.

17.

I was 17, when I found out you existed.
I was 17, doing things...
That I had no business, doing.

I was 17, when I was throwing up my insides..
Not really understanding why
Brushing it off,
like "Alexsa, it's nothing.."

Going from, "No, it can't be.."
To, "Am I buggin?"

For so long I was in denial
Hiding from the truth..
They say it can happen to anyone..
I guess I'm living proof.

And one day my curiosity got the best of me
I bought home a pregnancy test
So I could finally put my mind at ease
Not knowing that two pink lines
Would change my life forever...

Not knowing that my teenage womb
Had now become your home
A life was beginning inside of me
Yet still feeling all alone..

Not knowing how to tell your father
That he was going to be a father
While we were still kids

Not knowing how to be parents
We had no idea on how to raise a kid..


One memory I can't erase
Seeing the heartbreak on my mother's face
When I told her that her baby girl was pregnant
But it was so quickly turned into joy
Because she was hoping for a boy

Her first grand son..

My father on the other hand,
He didn't take it so lightly
He couldn't look me in the face

Because I was the one, who was most likely
To go to college and be somebody
Before having a baby

And I understand it's not easy news
To take in

When it's your baby who's having a baby..
But eventually, eventually
I know he'll come around..
I know that he'll forgive me
And I know I'll make him proud

I remember the first time I heard your heart beat
So loud and strong
No longer feeling guilty
Of bringing a life in this world
No, that feeling is gone.
Nor do I feel empty,

Nor do I feel alone


How could I, when you were always there with me
You are what kept me holding on..


On August 29, 2011
We found out that you were a boy.
I cried, instanteously, overwhelmed by my feelings, overwhelmed by all this joy
That I felt..


From that moment on
I knew you'd be my first love
I knew I'd give you everything
Even if it meant that I had nothing

Nothing would keep me from you
Nothing would keep me from giving you
A mother's loving..


While everyone was out going to parties
I was scheduling doctor's appointments
Missing out on my youth..

And if I'm being honest,

I wouldn't have changed it at all

And that's the truth



Being a mother, your mother

Is one of my greatest accomplishments

Regardless of the late nights

And long hours spent,

changing your diapers,

feeding you, and rocking you back to sleep..

Or chasing down a fussy toddler

to make sure you sat down to eat

When you'd rather play,

And I knew you didn't understand then..

But I'm mommy, so you do as I say



Because I want you to grow up,

strong and healthy

So you can make me proud one day..



I thank God for giving you to me..

My son..

And life is a roller coaster,

So buckle up, because your life has just begun..
Sincerely,
Your Mommy.


This is dedicated to my son, Ashton.
Who is 5 today!
I love you so much baby.