deepundergroundpoetry.com
Paladin
He comes to me
without the shield of ignorance,
Eyes a wounded standard,
Bleeding the blood of others,
Battered by their wounds,
Muscles tightened against the blows
Raining on soft and tender skin.
Hands curled into empty fists
He asks me,
“How?”
“How do I make it stop?”
i look up
my gaze lingering on those eyes
scarred by reality,
by the hurt
of seeing,
needing my words to be
maps to find the field of battle,
to engage some enemy,
to ride down the ugliness
and fight the everyday horrors.
my arms ache to hold him
as i sit,
mind racing for direction,
heart weighted by his pain;
wanting to weave a world of peace,
of love and light and purity-
for him,
for me,
for them.
i want to banish this agony i taste
as it eats away the boy
who believed life could be
good and fair and true.
but there is nothing.
i have no answer
and i reach for him anyway.
© 2015 - H. Newberry
without the shield of ignorance,
Eyes a wounded standard,
Bleeding the blood of others,
Battered by their wounds,
Muscles tightened against the blows
Raining on soft and tender skin.
Hands curled into empty fists
He asks me,
“How?”
“How do I make it stop?”
i look up
my gaze lingering on those eyes
scarred by reality,
by the hurt
of seeing,
needing my words to be
maps to find the field of battle,
to engage some enemy,
to ride down the ugliness
and fight the everyday horrors.
my arms ache to hold him
as i sit,
mind racing for direction,
heart weighted by his pain;
wanting to weave a world of peace,
of love and light and purity-
for him,
for me,
for them.
i want to banish this agony i taste
as it eats away the boy
who believed life could be
good and fair and true.
but there is nothing.
i have no answer
and i reach for him anyway.
© 2015 - H. Newberry
Published 28th Nov 2016
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 6
reading list entries 0
comments 7
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
28th Nov 2016 3:23pm
Your very words ache on the page. I can see hands reaching out to console and comfort but never quite touching. It's a heartrending read, this one. Beautifully written, but very painful.
Willow
Willow
2nd Dec 2016 8:40am
Thank you. I wrote this for my husband after a day when he overheard a group of his women friends sharing histories of physical and sexual abuse and he was devastated to find out that every woman in the room had been assaulted at one point or another. It was an incredibly painful moment for him. And me, because I didn't know how to comfort him.
29th Nov 2016 00:05am
29th Nov 2016 7:37am
Life can be unfair and there's often no justice in the world.
This eloquently conveys a feeling of helplessness when faced with the pain of another (son, child, pupil, or partner perhaps)
We can't be sure from the poem, but that's not a bad thing as less is often more.
Only caveat - I'd ditch those commas and semi colons - not everyone will agree but I think they belong to antique poetry-- which this ain't!
Best understood when read aloud, but notice how your line breaks are doing the work for you.
The lower case ' i's ' don't help you with that though and I don't see what they contribute any way.
Probably best if you start with ' I ' to remain consistent and stick with it, otherwise it becomes a tad breathless and confusing.
I understand too well that style is such a personal thing -- and there's no high ground for any of us - but the devil's always most certainly in the detail.
Hope something here^^^ helps -- if not feel free to ignore.
Best ~ Abra
This eloquently conveys a feeling of helplessness when faced with the pain of another (son, child, pupil, or partner perhaps)
We can't be sure from the poem, but that's not a bad thing as less is often more.
Only caveat - I'd ditch those commas and semi colons - not everyone will agree but I think they belong to antique poetry-- which this ain't!
Best understood when read aloud, but notice how your line breaks are doing the work for you.
The lower case ' i's ' don't help you with that though and I don't see what they contribute any way.
Probably best if you start with ' I ' to remain consistent and stick with it, otherwise it becomes a tad breathless and confusing.
I understand too well that style is such a personal thing -- and there's no high ground for any of us - but the devil's always most certainly in the detail.
Hope something here^^^ helps -- if not feel free to ignore.
Best ~ Abra
2nd Dec 2016 8:46am
Thank you for the critique. I wanted to take a couple of days to try on the advice. Antiquated writing is like pasta to me. Irresistible but somewhat 'Kryptonite-ish'. Someday's when I'm writing it bleeds through.
As to the lower case 'i'-I went with it because I needed a way to visually represent how small, clumsy and inadequate the depth of his shock and pain made me feel. There was literally nothing I could do or say to help him find a way out of it.
But I really do appreciate the advice. Thank you for taking the time to read my work...
As to the lower case 'i'-I went with it because I needed a way to visually represent how small, clumsy and inadequate the depth of his shock and pain made me feel. There was literally nothing I could do or say to help him find a way out of it.
But I really do appreciate the advice. Thank you for taking the time to read my work...
29th Nov 2016 7:45am
30th Nov 2016 9:26am
Many thanks to all who commented here. The observations, advice and critique are much appreciated.
