Joy and pain

My life was content ,
I had no reason to doubt.
My love,my sons,
My home, my friends.
I thought I was happy and had it all.
Then came you.
I've tried to stay away from
the disruption you cause.
I cannot control it.
My mind spirals.
My head hurts.
My heart skips.
I throb and ache at the mere thought of you.
A message or a call,
it makes my day.
I read it.
I delete it.
There must be no evidence not even a trace,
as you know
in my life you can have no place .
The sadness this brings me
is as great as the joy.
I mourn for the things
we will never do.
The times we cannot share .
The people we could hurt.
Nothing must be captured unless in our hearts.
It will finish one day,
and the pain will be great.
With tears in my eyes
I shall have to be brave.
But for now I will live with the joy.